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Hi Everyone! Just wondering if you too have had difficulty in your lives asking questions and getting all the information you need. Especially when it comes to financial stuff, but even other things too!
I've recently been on quite a roll, having to talk to people on the phone about Social Security, Medicare, my retirement funds, banking, credit union procedures and my student loans, amongst other things! It's been enormously taxing in a way, and trying on one's patience to say the least. Plus I have had a lifetime of terrible fears and ignorance about dealing with money, and large organisations who used to seem like such heartless monsters to me, most of the time! It's one of the first things that triggers old shame and fears, when there seems to be a money-challenge looming! Or a mistake or something.
But I can see that things are getting better--the more I get on the phone and get someone to talk with and explain things to me! Most people who work for these organisations are very nice, after all, and want to make things clear-and aside from the time it takes to actually get a live person (grrr....) it's usually very productive and helpful.
This is definitely an area of my life where recovery has helped me, though I still have to take a deep breath and summon up a lot of courage to tackle these things! And without looking to a higher power, I just don't think I could go through with it sometimes.
It makes me realise (again!) how very little help I got with these practical things, growing up--and I definitely remember being discouraged from asking questions about just about anything! This is so harmful to a young person's self-image and ability to manage in the real world. I feel I've wasted many years and made very poor decisions about important things in my life because I learned at an early age that a) I apparently wasn't worth it and b) I had no right to know!
Early attempts to get answers were often met with indifference, sarcasm, anger, and definitely conveying a feeling that I was being a nuisance or a pest! Sad that ANY child's questions would be met with this. It kills curiosity and creativity too! But thanks to the program, I'm reclaiming a lot of good things!
If I understand what you are saying, it sounds as though you might benefit from reading some basic material regarding finances and organizations. We had our kids read some books like Susy Orman's that give simple explanations regarding finance, insurance,credit, savings, real estate, etc. It seems that it is always easier to deal with businesses if we have some basic understanding of the issue that we are dealing with at the time. Hope that was kind of what you were looking for and hope it will help. Best wishes,
Seachange - I have a degree in finance and had a long fight with disability, but won it on my own without a lawyer. Please PM me if you have specific questions, I would be more than happy to help.
It takes an accertive attitude and a lot of research in most areas to get the same answer twice. Just keep asking questions and you will get yourself informed. You have takenthe first step. Admitting you are powerless over red tape!
Josey
-- Edited by jrtjosey at 13:40, 2006-04-11
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
oh boy do I relate. My doctor even says he gets so tired of his patients having to go thru the bs when we already don't feel well.
My pcp left the end of 05. It was right when my long term disability thru work was being done. First a doctor screwed up my benefit by saying no to my meds. The L.TD thought oh she is better. no, so I called another doctor that same day and she called them in.
Then LTD asked for the physical reason I could not work. The doc covering for my pcp until the permanent pcp came, sent my MENTAL limitations. depression, injury from being thrown from horse, etc. So my claim is screwed up.
So finally my new doc comes, he is great. We sit down and he talks to me, goes thru my records and sends off a letter that day telling of my physical disabilities.
My LTD analyst gets it. She says no. I don't have any xrays chart notes nothing. RRRRR the doctor went by those to write the letter! Like the doctor is lieing?????Again I am held up. So now I called the doctors office to make sure they got the needed stuff faxed.
Hopefully it is done. But the analyst got mad at ME. So now it has to go to appeal.
I called and this big wig said not to worry the appeal process does not take that long. everything will be ok.
Well of course this makes me unable to make my house payment. The gal I work with is great. But somehow I got calls everyday about my loan. drove me nuts. I mean I would have a call on my cell at the same time as my land line.
finally she gets ahold of me from OHIO I am in Oregon. and tells me sorry there was a mistake that all our work had gotten deleted and it looked like we did not have a plan.
so yes yes I knoooooooow. Hate it.
and yes, surrendering taught me to know it will be ok. to have faith. It always is ok. I do my part and let it go.
Quick helpful hint. Automated phone systems many times still have a provision in them for rotory phones. (my kids don't even know what those look like... LOL)
If you are having issues getting hold of a human, try hanging up, calling back and don't press any buttons. It may tell you several times "you didn't give a response", but then with a lack of anything else to do will drop you out to a human.
Good luck in your quest!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
My parents were paranoid so nothing was talked about and everything was a huge secret. My sisters carry on in much the same way. The A does as well. He wants to know everything about me but wants to tell me nothing about him. He wants me in his corner but won't be in mine. He has VA benefits which are a lot. I have none.
I have always put others first and at a certain time the chickens came home to roost on that one. I will have to do immense work in the next couple of years to get right with my debt. I am so grateful to be in DA and no longer beating myself to a pulp over it.
I am so glad that you are taking lots of actions and gaining clarity. Good for you. Whenver you do it is a great achievement.
Thanks everyone!--for your encouragement, shares, honest feelings, practical advice and especially for just BEING there!
It's a tough challenge, living this life sometimes, but I certainly wouldn't want to attempt anything now without the program and the wonderful people in it! And I wouldn't want to go back to how I used to do things--which created lots of new problems for me as I went along!
That's the great thing about being in Al-Anon/ACOA--at least I'm not creating new problems! There's plenty of legacy from the old ones still to deal with!!
Thanks all, and be well, and take care of yourselves,
Love your honesty in you post. It may be a woman thing too. Who knows? My sober AH moved out and basically left the finances to me. I have been asking many questions and asking for help. This is new to me. Through this program I have learned to focus on myself. My discovery is that I have been intellectually lazy. I was afraid that I was stupid so I didn't even try. I left the financial decisions to my accountant husband and made him way more smarter than he is.
I am a long way from financial independence and wizardry but I have learned alot. I now disagree with many of my husband's decisions. I ask a lot of questions no matter how dumb and write down the answers. My banker (a woman) is my best source of info. My friends who are in business, real estate, etc. are a constant source of info. I read and read and read. I watch Suze Orman too and Oprah and whoever is giving financial advice. My experience is like what Josey said in that it takes a long time to get a definitive answer. Even the experts don't know everything.
Here is to your success and financial freedom and happiness.
