The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally did it. I told my son he has to move out. May 1st is the deadline. I hope I can hold out. Why is it when he was in recovery he admitted he was A and now that he is active he says he is not. And he thinks I can actually believe that. Has he forgotten that 5 months ago he was an A?
I know it will be the hardest thing I will have to do...but I have to do it. I know that it is the only way. I could have never done this in the past without Alanon and HP. Thank God I have gotten to this place in my life. First I told him he had to leave today and then I gave him a couple of weeks. I am afraid he will expect that I will change my mind in that time and let him stay. I have to pray for the strength to carry on with what I told him.
Thanks for listening and say a little prayer for me to have courage.
Tough stuff Gailey, and you're right, he's probably hoping & believing that you won't follow through on the May 1 timeline.... One thought - what about drafting up a contract, for yourself, to help you to hold true to what you believe you need to do? Sometimes this is an assist for us to hold ourselves accountable, and will help you in not getting manipulated by your A son...
Just a thought
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I have been where you are. It is horribly hard. I talked to everyone and got all kinds of support. You are doing the right thing.
I always say the same thing. How will he know his own strengths if you do not push him out?
It is a wonderful, unselfish thing for a parent to push their young ones to go out on their own. We, of course want to hold them close and keep them safe. But it is our job to make them independant and go out there and make the world better.
It is sad how many grown men live with their mothers. Makes me ill actually. These men use their moms, suck them dry of their resources.A people who are active love to have someone else take care of their needs so they can use easily.
Hold your head up and push him out. He has to know he can make it on his own. Please stick to what you say. If we don't stick to what we say, it makes people think they cannot trust us, and or that can take advantage of us.
I wish you luck with this. I know this must be so hard for you. You are making the right decision, he needs to deal with the consequences of his drinking. My husband wants to say the same thing--he is not an addict/alcoholic--He went to rehab a year ago, came out so sorry for the way life had gone was going to be a different man. He was for a few months, it's sad to have a glimpse at something great to loose it again to the disease!!
My prayers will be with you Gailey. You are doing one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but you HAVE to do it. For your son.
Sure. Now that he is active again he is not an A. It all changes when the drinking starts again. Giving him to his HP is the kindest thing you can do for him in the long run. Stay strong and stand tall. Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
