REACHING BEYOND BLAME TO SOLUTIONS THAT WORK - No one sets out to marry an alcoholic. No child chooses an alcoholic for a parent. No parent dreams of a child who will one day become an alcoholic. No one willingly chooses to have a relationship with someone who is unavailable on an emotional and physical basis. No one deliberately pins their hopes and dreams to a way of life that lacks security, safety or dignity. A life that is complete with broken promises, humiliation and degradation resulting in a loss of faith in love, intimacy, the institution of marriage and family, a trust in others, a trust in self and the future. No one sets out to become an alcoholic whose actions lead to an abyss of shame and guilt. A person who will continue to drink in the face of ultimate losses of employment, home, friends, health, self-respect, marriage and family. A person who will WILL themselves to stop drinking and continue to drink. A person who will resolve to control their drinking and continue to drink out of control. Yet, for millions of people living this reality, it is a crazy, angry, lonely, empty, painful landscape of chaos and confusion. The alcoholic reaches for a drink as a solution to what ails them. Everyone else involved with the alcoholic attempts various methods to keep the alcoholic from drinking convinced the alcoholic sober is the solution to what ails them. The alcoholic acts, everyone else around reacts to the actions of the alcoholic and the alcoholic acts out again. The solutions continue to fail.There are solutions that work. The first step requires an acknowledgement that previously tried solutions have not worked and a willingness to seek help finding solutions that do work. The next step is an acceptance that addiction is a mental, emotional and spiritual disease. Acceptance means admitting a problem exists in the reality of today. Acceptance does not mean a hopeless submission to the problem. Acceptance does not mean that the way things are, are the way they should be or could be, or will be once a workable solution is in place. Acknowledgement that previously tried solutions has failed does not mean personal failure. A person's willingness to seek help is a sign of courage and wisdom. Each person has a right and responsibility to seek help for personal happiness, well-being and wholeness. Each person's life is deeply affected with the problems caused by alcoholism. AA and Al-Anon are excellent 12 step programs for both the alcoholic and everyone involved with the alcoholic. There are therapists familiar with the family system of addiction. The library has shelves of books on the subject. The local bookstores have an even larger selection. Hope and help are available. You are not the cause of, nor the cure for, another person's addictions. You are responsible for your state of well-being and wholeness. You can care about someone without taking care of them in inappropriate ways that prevent that person from also becoming a responsible person. Dalene Entenmann