Hugs Serenity,

It sounds like other than the family dynamics stuff it went well. I know I'm in for a verbal beating as I call it .. regardless if it's well earned or not .. I put off making the call or having the conversation because I already feel like the bad daughter earned or not.

Something you said brought to me an earlier share which is .. I am fully capable of stating my needs and wants however how other people respond I can't control. They are entitled to their thoughts and reactions/responses to those things and I can get my feelings hurt over them or I can step back and say ok .. that's not where I need to get that need met.

I do wonder in the past many years how many times has your daughter followed through on what she said she was going to do? Is this new behavior? Is the following through new behavior? Possibly instead of telling her your feelings were hurt .. maybe I really missed you today and I had hoped we were going to spend time together. Do you think we could do something else this week? What is your schedule looking like. If my mom said to me I hurt her feelings I would probably put my defenses up first and ask questions later .. what I hear in those statements is I am a bad daughter. Again .. true or not .. I know at least I don't like to hear I have been a bad daughter because while that might not be what was said that was the message that was sent .. I disappointed my mom .. again. I don't walk away feeling positive or wanting to be around my mom because of guilt. While that is my issue .. it's not going to be the response my mom wants.

That's my perspective and my projection so take what you like and leave the rest .. I think trying to navigate waters of parent/child is hard stuff and I know I am working with my oldest moving into more of an adult/adult relationship. I have to remind myself as awful as this will sound to tell him honey I'm really proud of you. Or find something specific .. I like your hair, your clothing choice .. whatever it might be something big or small .. even if I have to act as if in the moment because it hits me as I get older the one thing I really want from my mom is her approval and I have to learn to get that from myself at this point because my mom has a difficult time saying something nice (I have no idea why I am the way I am .. lol).

It really is so easy to focus on the negative that I forget that my oldest is more that a transgender person and all of the things that go with that and I am stuck in survival mode in a similar fashion as to dealing with alcoholism/addiction because one never knows with this child what new drama and trauma will surface. So focusing on what I like helps me deal with my grief (it's hard to explain other than to say while I feel like I have lost a daughter, I am grieving the gender expectations I had for my child and yet they aren't dead it's just now different.)

So no .. it kind of sucked that you verbalized to your kiddo that your feelings were hurt and you didn't get the response you wanted. That's what I would probably take to my sponsor instead of my recovering kid. Is it wrong that your feelings were hurt .. no of course not, and you should talk about it, just with someone who will say that kind of sucked. You certainly could have had a different conversation and gotten your needs met in a different way. I'm back to having the conversation with both of my kids that you can have plan A .. just don't forget about the other 25 letters of the alphabet. My youngest at the moment needs a reminder that there is actually a filter from the mouth to the brain .. smh .. teenage years .. LOL. We are having that conversation on Saturday and my expectation is a whole lot of pushback and finding a way to reach him that the best way to have a good day is don't be a jerk. He's sooo me ... lol .. I never doubt God's sense of humor. I expect my feelings to get hurt and because I am the adult I am required to respond as an adult .. Lord help me. He's really been on a roll lately.

Big hugs .. parenting doesn't get easier it just changes with time, it's still hard.

S :)

Thanks Ladies. I sat with it for a while, talked to some program people and owned my part which was a couple of texts that came across as catty which I do not like to be. My feelings remain my feelings as hers do hers. There was no verbal beating to be had.

My apology for my part was accepted and she in turn apologized for her part. That is huge progress. Ill take that. It doesn't change what happened, but I surely feel a whole lot better for seeking resolution and living my life in peace which is so important to me. Nothing changes if nothing changes is my most valued slogan. I do things differently today such as pausing, phoning a program friend, asking for help then what I was previously willing to do.

I love both of my children immensely but I am also learning to once again value my own life, put myself first. I am seeing the benefits of that daily. It really does work when you work it.

Serenity - lovely topic and an even better update! I am sorry that things worked out different than desired and you were hurt. Great job using your program to 'get over the hump'. Both of my boys let me down a bit over the holidays and also surprised me in ways I didn't expect.....I'm working hard to focus on what's better/improved rather than what is still so disappointing. It just makes me heart feel better.

Keep doing you and keep leaning into recovery - it's really looking awesome on you! (((Hugs))) and happy New Year!