The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just wanted to share, I have been reading on line still and working on my recovery. I am happy to report, its now been one year since the alcoholic and I ended our relationship. It was horrible due to active alcoholism in the home. I am grateful for ending the sick, unstable, relationship. I still live alone and caring for myself. I am still trying to gain my confidence back as a woman and it continues to be a challenge. I however, am making progress forward. I feel I am more aware of what I want in a relationship and what I do not want. Now that is progress. I enjoy living alone and meeting my needs as they arise. I am grateful for all I have today.
Also, on Sunday, the one year anniversary of ending the last long term relationship with the alcoholic, I ended another short term relationship with a man I was dating for the past 5 months. I saw to many red flags that was not acceptable to me. One being he is still legally married but separated from his wife, has an alcoholic son that entered treatment and he is obsessed with his son sickness, he is a loner and loves to live alone, drinks a lot, notice he drinks every other day, and has made mention he needs to slow down his drinking and when I have talked with him he appears distance, cold, unavailable and very selfish. He wanted me only on his schedule and time and would not take me out on dates in public. We would meet at his home only and I found myself in a familiar one sided relationship. I had not seen him ion 2 weeks and Saturday night, when I was at his place, I just knew it was over as he would never give me what I deserve. I just felt the familiar feeling of I have been down this road before, one sided relationship, and I was done like a backed cake. I felt used and I had enough! He would not even spend Christmas with me. That to me was enough to say I deserve better, even if it means I have to be alone on Christmas day! I just could not go down this empty, cold road again with a sick man that cares only for himself and his desires. There were other red flags that I had ignored and dismissed to see if he would give more than what he was giving and it never happened. I just instinctively knew I deserve better than a one sided sick relationship! I left his place Sunday morning without a word to him and just left. I have not heard from him since and I had left 2 things at his home and sent a text back to him to return these things and I have not heard back. I believe he blocked me on his phone. I do not care, these things I left are replaceable. I have had enough of being treated like crap! I have been thinking of him since Sunday but I know its for the best as he is not the one for me and never will be. I have to focus on myself and close that chapter of my life. I feel so sad as I thought we had something good happening but I now see that I was in fantasy land again. Reality is so different. I am grateful I saw him as he really is before I continued down that path again. In a way, I see the ending as a relief as he reminded me so much of my ex alcoholic bf that was cold, distanced, focused on his drinks and what can I get from you! It was all about him and what he can take! I feel sorry for him but that is his life and I am grateful that I am who I am. So back to the starting point. I am grateful this relationship is over yet sad in my heart as I really liked him a lot but I can see that he is not ready to be in any relationship. I am grateful I kept the focus on myself through these past months and now a year!
I am so ready now to see what new adventures lay before me, as a single, free woman! I am grateful for all I have learned and continue to learn about who I am and what I want! I am making progress day by day! I just pray and try and do gods will. I know that god will bring the right man into my life when I am ready. Till then I will enjoy my life and see what fun I can have as a single woman! Who knows what is around the corner. I keep saying to myself, the best is yet to come! The best is yet to come! The best is yet to come!
Thank you for your Open Honest Share, and Congrats on "Taking Care of You" its Something Some times I Fall Short on, So I'm Grateful for the Reminder that I Do... Need to Step up My "Self Love" Game :)
Thanks Joker for your share. It reminded me of the character of our program to self inventory using our principles and the love and cooperation of a sponsor and Higher Power to make positive changes in my life. Working the program makes all the difference today in my life and the "our" life that my program wife live. I don't harbor any delusions of perfection today. I cannot pull off perfection or even the thought of it anymore. Each time I try my former deceased sponsor and my Higher Power bring me back to the lesson of humility as my sponsor described it..."Being teachable".
(((Joker))) - it's been a privilege to be part of your journey here @ MIP! I've so enjoyed watching you grow, change, recover and applaud you for your continued efforts at self-care. I hope you keep coming back and just keep doing you - recovery looks super awesome on you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Progress, not perfection. Keep doing the work, on you, and for you.
A constant, and never-ending effort to get better, to learn, living the program, being healthy, living a healthy life...that's what the program does for us, if we do what we have to do.
Great awareness here, thanks for posting.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
Hi! Good job! You saw it this time and you took care of yourself. Theres nothing wrong with trying to venture out and giving a person a chance like you did. But this time, things were different. You saw the red flags and you accepted the reality And you walked away with your head up. Ive seen your posts over the years and I think this is a huge breakthrough for you. Our inner higher powers kind of give us a test to show us how much we have grown and thats what yours has done for you
Yeah, it is sad to see how many shallow well people there are out there but now, working the program, those of us who are really seeking to change for the better, we see this now and we dont deny it anymore. We see the reality: we are aware like you were and you accepted what was the reality and you took good action to take care of you. Kudos to you for a great job
I, to will be alone for Christmas because my daughters do not live near me and my friend across the street is in isolation mode so Im just letting him work whatever it is he is struggling with out. Ive knocked on his door and texted him, offering my love and support and he has ignored me so I must leave him his privacy to work his issue out. Its OK. My Christmases are at least peaceful now. I have my peace and my serenity. I decided to be my own Santa Claus and I am going to go to the Verizon store and I am going to see about getting a bigger and better and badder iPhone and if they have any specials on iPads I just might pick myself up one. I will shop around for a good deal and if, by chance, its a bit steep for my budget, no worries, I will find another nice thing to do for myself. Maybe Ill volunteer at the animal shelter and spread some love and some doggie biscuits around. Last Christmas I did that, Christmas Eve I spent with the critters and I had a very good time. I make my own happiness now. I dont depend on anybody else anymore to make me happy
Christmas was a big hook.for ne when I was in a relationship. I was obsessed with getting the kind of Christmas that was so important to me. I think I always found people who would sabotage me.
Being alone at Christmas can be hard. I have to say it is still 100% than being devastated because my bf/husband went out of their way to abandon me on some level.
The big change was for me I didn't abandon myself. I stopped leaving myself out of the equation. Sounds like you on track for doing that.
Maresie
