The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
F. False Evidence Appearing Real. If my head dream't it up chance are it's not real.
I have been wrong so many times for so many wrong reasons that I just stopped judging, investigating, complaining and fearing. What I try to do today is remind myself always that I don't know what's going on in other peoples' minds, lives and motivations and that they are not waking up in the morning with a "Sh--" list with my name on the top position. I don't have to defend myself or protect myself for something that is not happening and may not ever. Weird way of looking at life and then I have been fear free for so long I can't even remember what anxiety and worry are like.
--- posted by Jerry F on How do I get rid of the fear?
I read this and thought , very insightful explanation. Then all of a sudden I started thinking about what I fear these days. I am not used to being afraid of anything... LOL
- I write computer software, and my last job interview the person asked me if I could program in a certain language that I had never seen before. Thank God he said "Could I". I said sure I can! I had never seen it before, but I had written comercial software in 10 languages before then and had NO FEAR that I could do anything with a computer. I have been here for 10 years now and have had no problem producing the software they wanted.
- Since I spend all day sitting at a desk, I wanted something outdoors for a hobby and had a real interest in racing. Bought a racecar. Never had one before and have never been timid about racing it or taking it completely apart and putting it back together. I just have NO FEAR that I can make it work.
BUT until now I really didn't know of anything I am really afraid of. I can think of several times in my life that I felt all goofed up inside, just never equated it with fear.
So here is what I think:
- I was afraid of what my father thought of me growing up. Never got the same answer twice from him and no emotion other than anger.
- Now I am afraid of what my AW thinks of what I do and say. Drove me here... thank God!
- I am still afraid of what my A-son thinks of what I do and say. Had an event last night that was a perfect example. He and my AW make me feel guilty for not enabling him, so many times against what I know to be right, I do. Every time he says, "So Dad I have a question for you..." I tense up.
I honestly can't think of another thing in the world that I am afraid of. I wasn't even afraid of my cancer... they said it was operable... I said great - do that.
I have been working the steps, going to meetings and participating here knowing that what I feel is not right, and I knew the last time I felt this way I was very young (15-17 years old).
Ok.... now what! ROFLMAO
I realize I am just rambling now... just had to tell someone!
Thanks for the post Jerry!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
WOW! rtexas you hardly have any fears! Must be great to be so fearless! I could fill the page with the things I fear. However I feared my father's opinion of me also. He is gone now and it still bugs me.
I just love those AH-HA!! moments!! Joyce Meyer also uses the False, Evidence, Appearing, Real analogy. Your insight shows you are using program and getting the most out of it for you. I truly believe our active "a's" don't get that because its all about them. My "a" said he was not convinced that I was making these changes for myself for good reasons. He really believed I was "pretending" to make the changes to manipulate him to come back home. That helped me to see how much I did manipulate him in the past. He has fear of the old me coming back. I have played into my FEAR so much in my life it truly had me believing I was unworthy of my father or anyone else. Thank God we have program and people that are facing the same epiphanies as we are to say, Hey we're not crazy!!!
Keep it up!!
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Didn't say I don't get scared! I get scared often... Massive adreneline rush, but that passes.
I am talking about an emotion that distorts my reasoning, effects my actions and reactions to stuff. I just never put my finger on the root cause of my emotional disfuction and yesterday some little voice said... hey stupid... that's FEAR!
Guess I was too proud or too Texan to accept that before now. LOL
Still not sure where I go from here... Just forward till I figure it out, I guess.
You guys have a great day!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Weird way of looking at life and then I have been fear free for so long I can't even remember what anxiety and worry are like.
He is gone now and it still bugs me.
Joyce Meyer also uses the False, Evidence, Appearing, Real analogy. Your insight shows you are using program and getting the most out of it for you. I truly believe our active "a's" don't get that because its all about them. My "a" said he was not convinced that I was making these changes for myself for good reasons. He really believed I was "pretending" to make the changes to manipulate him to come back home. That helped me to see how much I did manipulate him in the past. He has fear of the old me coming back. I have played into my FEAR so much in my life it truly had me believing I was unworthy of my father or anyone else. Thank God we have program and people that are facing the same epiphanies as we are to say, Hey we're not crazy!!! 