The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Im thinking more and more about step 3 and God's will for me. I feel step 3 is a really important step and my understanding is becoming deeper.
'Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood him.'
I can see that I have made the decision over the years without fully understanding what the decision was. I have to know what my will is in the first place.
Today I think of my will as my impulses - my impulses kind of are my need for gratification, comfort or approval from external things like food, people etc. Like spending a whole day in bed watching a box set. I think this is probably my will because the after feelings are not good for me, I end up feeling like I've wasted my day, not been with my family or friends, being alone gorging, not out in nature or doing anything else that's good for my self esteem so it equals poor self talk for me, so my self esteem is lowered by this. Ive read somewhere its like the seven sins, my will wants to enjoy all these all the time but the result is harmful to my serenity and state of mind.
God's will is quiet I feel, its like in a crowded room where everyone is trying to be heard when Im in God's will I dont feel the need to be heard or be right or be listened too, like the Prayer of St Francis says. The after feeling of being in God's will is beautiful for me, its a calmness, its serenity and happiness. It leaves me able to tell myself you were good at listening to others today, you showed integrity today, you honoured yourself today by being a listener, a understander, a calm presence. When I choose to do something that is good for my mind or body rather than what my first ideas of fun are, usually involving food or gossip or TV, Im rewarded big time, I get self respect and self esteem and I get closer to God through other people and nature.
The difficult part of step 3 for me is remembering to pause with every single decision I make and seeing that I have my will or Gods will in each step I take. Im thinking that over time this will become more automatic but for now Im just getting the eyes to see the difference.
Thanks for reading.x
-- Edited by el-cee on Friday 5th of October 2018 06:00:46 AM
Good Morning LC I agree going deeper into Step 3 did indeed bring me closer to understanding and feeling HP's 'will. As you stated ,it is a quiet peaceful voice which guides me over the din of my own inner turmoil. I just need to listen and act.
I found your share about step three to be really powerful. Thank you for the topic.
For me, things seem to start to go wrong when I make a plan. If I just go with the flow, HP has a way of taking me where I should be. But, if I think: And now, I am going to work toward my goal of X, that's usually when I get into trouble. If I allow myself to take advantage of opportunities that open in front of me, things are easier and they work out much better than I ever could have imagined. For me, step 3 and listening to HP is all about listening for those opportunities instead of imposing my own will on my life.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I've done the steps several times, and in both roles, and the sponsor and sponsee. Different people have different perspectives on Step Three, especially when you start to peel back the layers so to speak. I view it not only as perspective, but more importantly, interpretation. With any of the steps, when you begin to develop a deeper understanding of the respective step, that is where recovery can accelerate -- and exponentially. Blind spots start to appear, more clarity appears, and you can really start to get a handle on certain issues, conflicts, feelings, and so much more.
Yes, there is the "decision" aspect. For me, yes, there is in fact a decision, but also, that is coupled with the "will" element. So, what is that will, your will. For me, my will is my want, my desired outcome, what I think is best, what I know. It's got nothing to do with eating that huge, rich, piece of death by chocolate cake when I am eating healthy, trying to lose a few pounds, etc. That is not will for me. I think too many people overcomplicate too many things in program. This for me is one of them, LOL. So, will for me is far more substantial, far more important. For me, the will has to be handled, part in parcel, with turning it over.
The step does not specifically speak to what God will do with my will, or what God will do for me now that he has my will. This touches upon an aspect of alanon, whereas I feel the principles of the program are important. Alanon is a spiritual program, not a religious one. While God and religion can be two very separate and distinct topics, when I read the steps, and practice the steps, all of the action steps, all of the results, come from me taking action. I admitted, I came to believe, yes, a power greater than me, something or someone other than me, greater than me, outside of me, COULD restore me to sanity, but I had to come to believe that first. I made a searching and fearless moral inventory, I admitted to God, to myself, and to others. Now, I had to be entirely ready, yes to have God do something, but I HAD TO BE ready. I then had to humbly ask him. He takes action here, but I must take action first.
And the remainder of the steps are ME taking action. Even "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." -- I am praying for KNOWLEDGE of HIS WILL...BUT...I am praying for me to have the power to carry that out! Not to have him do it for me!
Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood him. Where are the action steps -- made a decision, to turn over, that's me. My will and my life, well, that's mine too, LOL. And it has to be God as I understand him -- my higher power, God, something or someone else, greater, and outside of, and other than...me. So, for me, yes, God's will, but far more importantly...it is ME making a decision, to turn MY WILL and MY LIFE, over to the care of God as I understood him. Even if I know and understands God's will -- what then? Is it on him or is it on me. My will and my life is in his care -- but that doesn't absolve me of all responsibility, of all taking action, etc.
I pulled up to a red light this morning on the way to my office. When the light turned green, I took my foot off the brake, stepped on the gas, and proceeded to my office. I don't have to break that down and apply it to the steps. That is trivial, mundane, innate to me. Like breathing. But for how I live my life -- YES!!! The steps, for me are a curriculum for living. It is how I live my life.
Thank you again for posting this. Excellent insight.
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Bo
Keep coming back...
God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...
"...but for now Im just getting the eyes to see the difference."
Powerful thoughts today el-cee! This is where I think I am at as well.
Thank you for articulating this in such a clear way!
Peace & grace to you this weekend!
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"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
El-Cee - great share and lovely ESH. I believe there are steps that become habit and then there are steps that are about action....I too believe that the art of listening and seeking to understand the present as it is is a huge part of Step 3. For a long, long while I used to have an internal dialogue trying to understand God's will for me and the usual result was it was easier to use the process of elimination.
I know God doesn't want me miserable, isolating, stuck in the past, feeling less than and/or void of emotion/energy. Flipping that, I found early what God's will 'might be' - happy, joyous and free (of the past, of the demons in my mind, guilt, shame, etc.) For as long as I've been in recovery, I've prayed in the AM/PM as suggested yet in the past 10 years or so, I've had an ongoing continuous dialogue with God.
These are so very helpful for me and are part of my daily program:
Morning Recovery Prayer: God direct my thinking today so that it be divorced of self pity, dishonesty, self-will, self-seeking and fear. God inspire my thinking, decisions and intuitions. Help me to relax and take it easy. Free me from doubt and indecision. Guide me through this day and show me my next step. God give me what I need to take care of any problems. I ask all these things that I may be of maximum service to you and my fellow man in the name of the Steps I pray. AMEN
3rd Step Prayer: God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
11th Step Prayer: Eleventh Step Prayer
(often attributed to St. Francis)
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
All I truly know is I learn a lot more about life and self by listening than by talking. Action of any kind brings me joy and peace. Prayer helps me be positive and calm. I am grateful for those who came before me to show me the way and to always keep an open mind and open heart. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for sharing, el-cee, and thanks for all the esh... Where I'm at, I feel I'm learning to trust God enough to feel I can entrust my will and life to him. Thankfully and wonderfully, I see more and more evidence I can indeed trust God to take care of things much better than I could imagine. I kind of try to keep my eyes open for that. I just can't get around my need to make sure I'm handing things over to good hands, you know? lol.
Great post El Cee. Mahalo for it. I got it printed out so I can carry it around with me time and place. God's will for me has always been the attention getter and will always be such as it puts me into perspective and lines me up into how life must be rather than the shambles it was when I made the decisions and did the actions.
I listen to the name of God as I know it...Love...and I associate that with God's character...Love; and then the definition of Love as I have accepted it in recovery, "The complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are", including myself. I employ the teaching conversations I have had with God such as Love is the absence of Fear and more and when I go thru this process my spirit relaxes and I feel what I have learned about God's will for me and how our program reinforces it all.
Thanks for your consideration with this post. ((((hugs))))
