Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

Thanks (((iamhere))) for your support. This continues to be a very difficult situation on many levels. I applied for the other position and that felt empowering. I know that I deserve better than what I've been getting from this manager. She's already showing signs of retaliation and I am trusting my gut that things are likely not going to get better. It's a daily chore to keep taking care of myself in this situation and naturally I can't keep going to hr to complain about her. I'm putting my Plan B together.

I agree, it's best to be true to ourselves. At least whatever the outcome I will have that. I'll know that I respected myself, acted respectfully even if I wasn't being respected in return. I'm trusting that hp is leading me in this situation and to something better. TT

Thanks (((posies))) for you support. I think it's easier to be courageous when you are new in a job like myself. That's a sad story about your ex but I think a common one. I think the longer you are in a job the harder it becomes to report the abuse. Just the thought of losing a job, retaliation from the boss, losing benefits, job searching again ugh! Not to mention the loss of income and how it affects the rest of the family. My dad went through that too at the end of his career. He came home miserable every day. My boss has one of those special skill sets like your ex's boss and there are other factors as well that might impact the company adversely if they fired my boss. 

Thanks (((jill)) Divorcing is awful, been there too. Lots of lessons from that for sure. Misery making situations and people can really sap a person's energy. I am doing my best to hold my boundaries by saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean. Boss continues to play victim for the benefit of others and I continue to calmly respond to the lies and make clear what the facts while leaving my feelings out of it. It really is odaat but it will settle and however it settles I'll be fine. I've surrendered it. Frankly, I'm too exhausted from the drama to do anything but. But that doesn't mean she is going to break me and get her way. The simpler I keep it, the less I engage, the more strength and mental stamina I have to continue to think clearly, state my truth, hear her out and separate facts from lies. Yes, my boss lies about what she says. Sometimes I think she is looking for me to react. She has a long history of abusing my predeccesor which is documented. I am going to just continue to work my program honestly and do an honest day's work there. When she tells me to do things that she can do for herself, looks to make me her personal servant, I pretend I don't hear her. She then doesn't ask again. Sometimes I surprise her and do it. These are niceties by choice not part of my job. I can choose when I am willing to do these things without feeling threatened that she will think I am willing and take advantage of me. I've already told my boss "I've no doubt you can do that for yourself." The person before me was frightened of my boss. I'm not. She'll get use to me or get someone else she can step on but my doormat days have been over a long time. And yes, the other job looked promising so I applied. I would have done it even if I liked my current situation if the other job looked interesting enough. Just my opinion, but companies really don't have loyalty to employees these days so I see no reason not to act on any opportunity that I desire without guilt. 

Thanks (((tude)))) I hope you are looking forward to returning to work and doing something you love. I miss you and everyone at our morning meetings now that I'm working. I feel grateful to have wonderful online friends and in person. Glad you keep coming back. Yep, my friend somehow sends me a card just when I need one most. Must be hp at work :)