The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about learning to like ourselves.
The author shares that their feelings of self-worth had sunk while living with an active alcoholic to the point that they did not see their own positive traits, and could not accept the compliments of others. The author's sponsor suggested that they make a list of positive qualities - things they liked about themself. When the author shared the list with their sponsor, they were surprised to find that the sponsor agreed with every positive thing. The author had learned to focus and pay attention to their own shortcomings, and by shifting their focus to their positive traits, they learned slowly that they were likable.
Today's Reminder: One way to learn to love myself is to accept the love of others. Even if I don't feel deserving, I can be grateful for another's kindness. And if I appreciate something about someone else, I can tell them so. A small gesture can go a long way toward healing a hurting soul.
Today's Quote "I've heard people in Al-Anon say they got back their self-worth. I never had any in my life, so it was a whole new feeling to like the person called 'me.'"
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I can really relate to the author in today's reading. Growing up with an adult child of an alcoholic, I learned to be my own worst critic. Life with an active alcoholic eroded the self-worth that I did have. I found myself not liking myself and not recognizing myself. I found it impossible to see my positive traits, and couldn't accept Feedback of any sort - positive or negative. Through Al-Anon, I've realized that I am a likable person, that I have many good qualities, and that even my character defects are just qualities that could be positive, were they not taken to the extreme. I've learned to like myself, and slowly, I am learning that other people like me to. I'm even starting to believe that I can have real friends and that people value our friendship.
I hope you make today a great day!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
God Morning Skorpi, Great reminder Daily Asset and gratitude list did not come easy for me. In fact when my sponsor first suggested this daily exercise I could not think of one asset or anything to be grateful for-- However, I could think of all my negative qualities.
My sponsor started me off explaining tht it was extremely important to do this because i needed to see my assets and all the positive gifts in my life so that when I shed my negative tools in the 4th - 7th Step, I could then uncover and use the positive hidden gifts. I had forgotten She indicated that no where in the Steps do we ask HP to add anything to our being only to lift the destructive habits we have developed.
Great share Skorpi I can so identify . Thanks for your service.
Hi Betty and Skorpi-Yes this is a very important reading for me as well. Like others, I had NO self-esteem growing up and only saw myself as a terrible person with failures. Even though I was quite accomplished in the arts and was successful in a second career, I could not identify with any positivity about me.
My work with my sponsor helped tremendously because all I could see was negatives, after life with my A for over 20 years. I was so lost and so upset. Program has helped me find a me I can love and respect, and that includes not being perfect! Lyne
Good morning MIP! Thanks Skorpi for the daily and your service. Thanks to all for the shares and ESH above me. I arrived feeling so angry and broken, I didn't even realize I was as affected as I was. I too struggled to find things to be grateful for let alone any positive assets relative to me and my life. I carried tons of shame as I felt a failure in life.
Slowly, by practicing what was suggested, I came to accept me as an imperfect person designed accordingly. I am not expected to know it all or have all the right answers. What I do have is a higher power who does go with me each day, side by side, through this thing we call life. I have come to appreciate who I am and what I was designed for - to be of maximum service to self and others.
For those who pray, please offer one up for my friend with cancer. It's moved to her colon and we're not sure what's next. We are stepping up our prayer warrior position and I ask any others to just add her (Carol) to yours if you can!
Make it a great day - as we say around here - Happy Hump Day - over the hump of the week ... it is smooth sailing from here on out. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Today's Reminder: One way to learn to love myself is to accept the love of others. Even if I don't feel deserving, I can be grateful for another's kindness. And if I appreciate something about someone else, I can tell them so. A small gesture can go a long way toward healing a hurting soul.
I think I've mentioned it on here before but I can really relate to today's reading. I always feel guilty or a burden when I have to ask for help or people offer help (like my church family coming up with a rota to look after my youngest so I can attend my therapy sessions on Friday morning). It's something I've always struggled with. I was the rock, the helper and now I need help. I keep saying sorry and thank you and buying people flowers or chocolates or bake them something nice to say thank you when really I just feel very guilty. I may probably be easier for me to get someone in and pay them for it rather than getting the help for free. It feels like I owe my friends something even though that is not the way they think at all and they are just happy to help.
It's something that clearly needs a lot of wok still.
I remember one evening when I was walking my dog in a park. Some high schoolers rode by on bikes and said woof woof. I immediately thought they were calling me a b**ch.
I'm so grateful now my go-to thoughts are it's not about me, it doesn't matter what they think, and it is the dog that says woof. They were talking to my dog!
I now love that memory and my interpretation of what happened.
-- Edited by Jill on Wednesday 9th of May 2018 09:32:25 PM
it has taken me most of my life to turn things around- to where i feel okay about myself.
I used to get really angry that my family, and other people hadn't done more to reach me. And to society and the world in general.
I am not saying it was easy, or that those were wrong impressions. They were right, at the time. And i went through hell, like most of us.
Fact is- I got through life the best way ah knew how. I got married, had family. To be honest I thought, at the time, I was really lucky to be in any
relationship at all. I didn't seem at any time to be fully conscious, or the least bit with it... ...I look af family photos- with me in it and yes- I was there-
I carried on regardless. Getting to meetings saved my family and relationship. I was saved from losing both because I was taking steps and getting along
to meetings... now I prefer to think that is was the transformation that really mattered...!
The too-ing and fro-ing in group... in Alanon. Sometimes thinking- my life was never as bad as that!
Other times thinking and believing- no-one, ever has ever had it as bad as me!
Both ideas are completely true... i can put them together now- as passing a thing from one hand to the other...
I still suffer from some anxiety- enough to come and go on... I am able to laugh and joke sometimes- something I found impossible for years.
Today i have a depth of personality and a depth of character- that I can really only appreciate- inside of Alanon- with people, like you, who are also like this...
...