The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been trying to do life on my own and definitely found myself back in old uncomfortable places with my ah. I became tired of trying to "control" his drinking and just started focusing on my kids, grandkids, work and my interests. This was going ok for awhile, but then I am seeing that his drinking is becoming dangerous to him and affecting the relationships between family members. I have thought a lot about divorce and even contacted a lawyer. This has seemed to scare him for now and he went to the hospital because he has been sober for 48 hours now. They gave him some medicines to help him with detox and information on treatment, but he hasn't made any contact with anyone and I am not pushing him or trying to influence him in any way, because I want him to want his sobriety. I cannot fix it for him. Our 17 year old son is so mad that I am giving my ah another chance because he doesn't trust that he will stay sober and I have my own fears about that too. I came back on the board in the last few days to read and touch base so I could center and focus on what I need to do to be ok. Thank you all for reading my post and I appreciate any prayers or positive vibes sent my way.
HI Mamakat, welcome back. I remember you and am so sorry you are in this painful situation. I know the uncertainty and fear. One day at a time, one day at a time ... take care of yourself and your son. Would your son be willing to try an Alateen meeting or read some Alateen literature?
Whatever is going to happen with our alcoholic relatives, it's helpful to get support so we can come out of it ourselves as healthy as possible and to realize that we are not alone.
-- Edited by Freetime on Thursday 22nd of March 2018 11:05:10 PM
Aloha Mamakat and welcome to the board again. How would things change for you if you just went into your own recovery program and didn't fuss with him and his. I get the impression that he has some experience so why not let him have more? When I learned that alcoholism and addiction was a fatal disease and that it had no prejudice as to who went first I got very serious about saving my own life. It's worked wonders for me and the last time I saw my alcoholic/addict she was doing great herself with her recovery.
Try the self focus method and keep coming back. (((((Hugs)))))
Hey there mamakat - welcome back. I hope you are working recovery for you - this darn disease is so cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. I'm sorry for the pain and chaos it's brought into your family and am sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery...(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
So glad to see you back, living with an addict is to much to do alone.
I hope you will find support for you and your kids, it is a very crazy making disease and it creates all kinds of dysfunction with loved ones.
It's weird where it will rear up from time to time even though I don't live with my qualifier anymore.
Many prayers to your family, and I really hope you will go to alanon and do your face to face meetings and keep the focus on you and let him do what he's going to do .. because there is no controlling the outcome for an addict. There is only preserving sanity and serenity for self.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
