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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Was it wrong to call my husband sponsor?
Post Info TOPIC: Was it wrong to call my husband sponsor?
Ann_Y


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Was it wrong to call my husband sponsor?
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Hi All,

 

I have been on the board a few times. I lost my PW so I had to re-register. I was Ann_M_Y but my new screen name is Ann_Y.  I have not been to an in person meeting. I really have no excuse of why I haven't gone to one. My husband was sober for 3 months and he slipped. He drank yesterday and today. He goes full tilt when he slips so I called his sponsor. Was I wrong to do so?

 

Thanks,

Ann



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hotrod


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Hello Ann-- Alanon usually asks us to examine our motives to determine if an action was constructive or destructive - (positive or negative.)

Attending meetings, reading alanon literature, working the steps are all great tools that helped me to decide on the right action. Usually calling our own sponsor is what is suggested when we are in trouble. I am surprised that his sponsor talked with you because of the confidentiality of both programs.

Since we are powerless over others , I suggest that you find a face to face meeting and attend.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
WestMan


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My time in Al-Anon has taught me to put the focus on the one person I can do something about. Me. However, if I knew who my ExAW's sponsor was I'm sure I would be sorely tempted to make a call. I would think that the sponsor knows how to handle such a situation though. I'm sorry for your struggle. I hope you can find your way to some meetings.

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Ann_Y


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My husband is mad that I called. I guess it's another lesson learned. I feel ok with calling. I would not do it again.


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Jerry F


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Ann Y it seems you have come to an understanding and future change and have heard the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of someone else in recovery and also have seen that what you did woke up your alcoholic.  You did what you did and now its done.  You can if you choose make an apology to him if you haven't already and then go on practicing being forgiving and gentle with yourself.  I've been in program to have see mistakes like this made in the past with the outcomes being both positive and negative at the time.  If the outcome was positive for you then you were helped which is what you were looking for...if it wasn't than your proposed change for the future is also positive.

We make mistakes ... period and the treasure is about what we do next.  Where I am in my recovery today is the culmination of all of the events that happened to get me better whether I knew or didn't and agreed or not.  Do something different the next time and hope it works out as well as this one did.   ((((hugs)))) aww



-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 13th of March 2018 07:45:46 PM

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Ann_Y


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Jerry F. -Thanks for your comments. It is hard to know what to do sometimes


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Iamhere


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Hey there Ann - I agree with what's been said - align with Al-Anon and attend some meetings. I believe you will find the support that helps all of us and the tools that help with situations like this. You aren't the first person who's done everything/anything to help a loved one with their program/sobriety/disease...Al-Anon helps me better stay on my side of the street and focus on me instead of them.

Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery.

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
YARNCRAZY


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calling my XAH"s sponser saved my life. his girlfriend was an alanon member and took me to my first meeting

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ALYCE R KINIKIN
Bo


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We often talk about the alcoholic feeling, recognizing, and experiencing the consequences of their own decisions and actions. While this may be different, I am sure each case is a case unto itself. Each situation can be different, very different. Unless someone's life or health is in danger, my experience is that just because the alcoholic is drinking, or has relapsed, is not a reason for me to "interfere" and call her (my wife's) sponsor. That's just me. It is my wife's decision whether or not she -- a) wants to pull herself up and get back to a life of recovery, b) call her sponsor, c) or keep drinking and no longer be sober/be in recovery, d) almost anything else for that matter.

Just me. Just my experience. Just what I did. Take what you like and leave the rest.

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Bo

Keep coming back...

God, grant me the serenity...to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...the courage to change the ONE I can...and the wisdom to know it's ME...

 
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