The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Detaching with love: The writer states that someone else's mood, tone, and/or state of inebriation does not have to effect his course of actions, unless he allows it. Alanon is teaching him that he does not have to react when provoked, nor take harsh words to heart . He can be in charge of his decisions and behavior.
Today's Reminder: Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say, or feel to determine my own well-being or to make my decisions. When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behavior, I can love their best, and never fear their worst.
Quote from In All Our Affairs: Detachment is not caring less, it's caring more for my own serenity.
When reading this page I thought how simple this sounds on paper, but I know from experience how difficult detaching with love is. It took me my first few years of program to be able to put this into practice. My sober A, but not treated, gives me plenty of opportunity to practice on an almost daily basis.
When I started learning about how to detach, I couldn't do it with love. I also thought it was pretty selfish to stop trying to help my A. But now with several years in, and accepting that I cannot change anyone but myself, I have decided that my serenity can come first most of the time. I feel relieved, and have a much better life ODAT. And I always need to remember, progress not perfection. Lyne
Hello Lyne I love the quote as it is a great incentive to work this program and use detachment a a recovery tool;' "Detachment is not caring less it is caring MORE for my own serenity " what a powerful thought!!!
I found that not reacting in my usual manner but pausing, by taking a deep breathe helped me to detach and respond in s healthy manner Thanks for your service.
Good morning MIP, Lyne, thank you for your service
When I first started practicing detachment, it was detachment with anger. For whatever reason, anger is the emotion that helps me to make hard changes in my life. I tried to keep that anger to myself, but I probably wan't very successful at it. Over time, I think I've gotten better at detaching with love, but detaching is something I am still practicing and still working on being better at. With a few more years of practice, I bet I will get better. I've been getting a lot of opportunities to practice detachment lately!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good Morning and thank you for ESH on detachment. When I think of detachment I need to ask myself am I doing or thinking for someone else what they can do for themselves. I still find after many years that I can slip back in an instance to my weakness of being way "too helpful ". This is when I need to practice Pause and Think. If I am obsessing about what someone is doing I am definitely not helping anyone, including myself. I am not detaching with love to either of us. Today I will work on my own serenity and try not to be so willing to give it away.
Good morning all - thank you for the ESH and shares. Lyne - thank you for your service and the daily too. I know that detachment serves me very well, every day in all my affairs if/when I can use it. Before recovery, I was deeply entrenched in the moods, lives and actions of other and truly believed that this was 'caring and love' of my fellow humans. What recovery taught me is unconditional love allows me to accept and love myself and others exactly as they are, and detaching gives us all the space needed to grow and live.
There is no perfect method for detaching as there is no perfect person, life, relationship or love. When I can use detachment, my serenity stays more consistent. So grateful for all that we have in recovery and life and for a HP that stands ready to lead us to a better way of life.
We are home from the hospital and we are determining best next steps. I'm going to do some cooking and cleaning today so they are able to just focus on rest and recovery. I'll keep you all posted - my mom is resting well and moving slow - as expected. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This entry on detachment from Courage to Change gives me hope and reminds me that I've made some progress in my recovery. When I attended my very first Al-Anon meeting in December, I was so lost and felt so hopeless. I shared that I knew I was sick and needed help because when my AS would call from rehab, my feelings reflected his. When he was happy, I was happy. When he was depressed, I was depressed. When he was anxious, I was anxious. I remember that room of people being so supportive, it warmed my heart.
I have since learned how to detach with love. I am not perfect, that's for sure. I will still feel some of those feelings in times of distress, but now I know what to do. I meditate on acceptance, I pray to my Higher Power, I read Al-Anon literature, I get to a meeting if possible, and when I'm ready to completely give my problem over to my Higher Power, I write it down and put it in my God box. I find that I still think about what might be happening, but I no longer obsess over it and I no longer jump in with both feet trying to fix it.
