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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> The 12th Step.
Post Info TOPIC: The 12th Step.
WendyP


Senior Member

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Posts: 152
Date:
The 12th Step.
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Hi there, it's WendyP, asking for some sharings on the 12th Step. What I am planning on doing is introducing The Alanon Programme in more depth to My Grandson's ex Partner. They have just recently split up again for the some many times. I have shared with both of them before, about AA and Alanon after a very nasty episode. I have been in Alanon for many, many years, and as I have shared in my previous sharings online, I am the Mother, Grand Mother, Great Grand Mother of a lot of Family Members, and there is myself and one of my Daughters that have Alanon and work the Programme. I am just so tired of watching, seeing the Disease in all it's forms going and affecting all my Family Members, and Partners. Especially with the  Little Ones, that brings me an awful lot of Heartache. Being the Head of the Family, is Bittersweet, as there is a lot of Loving, but as I said I lot of Heartache, even so when I know what the real problems are.

I am a straight talker, just say it as I see it, as I did when I knew of that really nasty episode before, I know that My Grand Son won't come near me at the moment, because he knows I will talk about his issues, and I know that he has many, people in his life to enable, caretake, and rescue him, and I am not one of them. But with his Partner, who is the Mother of my youngest Great Grand Son, who Is just turned 3, who is just a little Darling, she is the one who I want to talk to more about Alanon. We have had a lot of talks about what is really happening, and we can talk openly, and honestly. She realizes  a lot of what has been going on, but doesn't understand it is Alcoholism that is causing the Problems. I can see she is fixated on him, because she loves him, like I do. I have her trust, as she has told me that I am the only one who is talking about the real issues,

But I know I have to be careful, and keep my feet, firmly on my own ground, and not get carried away with it all, as I want so much for her to Get It, and to be able to break the hold it has over each one of us. I sometimes get, feel overwhelmed with seeing it in all my Family Members. I know that I can only share how Alanon has helped me, I can't do it for her, caretake, rescue, she has to want to do it, for herself. I have realised a long time ago, that I have a responsibility to my Family Members, I can't be responsible for them. It's like when I was in early Recovery, when I Got It, I felt so great, thinking that because I was In Alanon and it started to make sense to me, I could see the Problem, Alcoholism, I thought that I had broken the Chain, and all my Family would be saved, I realized afterwards, that I had only broken the first Link. That all of the other Members of my Family had to break their own links.

What I am planning on doing, is ringing my Grandsons' Partner, and asking her if I can show her how Alanon can help in finding Peace and Serenity. That is why I am reaching out for help, from others, as sometimes, I feel so alone in all of this, and there are no meetings for me to go to. These are my Meetings, and I know that I have a found a Family, Friends  within this.

Love WendyP,blankstare



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
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Hello Wendy we have a Step Work Board here where we work the steps continually. Here is a link to the 12th Step:
stepwork.activeboard.com/t64171210/alanon-step-12-12-4-2017/ you can also search that board for additional posts
A word of caution Tradition 11 suggests that "attraction rather than promotion" is the best way to present alanon to another-- Step 12 asks that we carry the message and practice these principles in all our affairs . Good luck

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
el-cee


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:
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I can relate. I see the disease in my son and his girlfriend and her child is effected. It's like watching history repeat itself. It's like I lived their relationship now I get to watch them ride the merrygoround. It's painful. I want to shout at the top of my voice 'its alcoholism' run to aa and alanon. I don't though. Or I kind of have. I've said the words over the last few yrs but the cant hear me. Denial is powerful and I had to reach a point of desperation and surrender before my denial was broken and I think most people experience that so my words are not going to do it. Then there's step 1. I can't control another human. They have same right as me to be exactly where they are on their own journey and it's not for me to judge as right or wrong good or bad. My ego can tell me I know best and my fear can tell me to help and do something. Both these belong to me to keep in check. I hope you get the answers in the steps and in ypur hp.

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Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
Date:
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I too can relate. When I feel the calling of trying to help others, I have to check my own motives and then remember I am trying to be the 'example' in the attraction vs. promotion part of recovery. I can hope and want to help others but in reality, I can only share my own ESH. My oldest son's baby momma is now going to Al-Anon. I first invited her a while back. She's seen changes in me since she met my son, and I never preach or pry. In my family, even though I too am an elder, I try really hard to stay on my side of the street. Mine have no interest in hearing me, my thoughts, my suggestions - they really want to carve their own path. I do a ton of letting go and letting God.

I am very cautious sharing 'what I see' because my vision and views are often different than others. Denial, values, experience, etc. all affect how we see what's in front of us and I need to remember who is truly in charge. I've taken the approach of setting an example, making myself available when asked and trying to be of service when asked. Trying to help others when they've not asked hasn't worked well for me - before recovery or since recovery.

I stick to...'when anyone, any where reaches out.....' and it has served me well. I wish you well - it's hard to watch and wonder what may happen next. I do a ton of praying.

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
WendyP


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 152
Date:
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Hi Everyone, thank you so much for your sharings, it feels good to know that I am not alone as I walk my Path. For me it is the Dilemma of what I do with what I know. Do I speak up, or keep quiet, Detach, etc. I have to be honest, as I find it , for me, it is harder to make a decision in Alanon than before, as I can get myself confused more easier now, because I have more information, and much more to think about. I find sometimes that now, I fear making a mistake, or that I will do something wrong, as I know the difference. I have the perfection imperfection. It can take me back when I was rearing my 3 Children by myself,having to make all the decisions, for them, not having anyone to turn to, to see if they were good decisions or not. I felt the pressure,especially when I knew that I was making them about My 3, and they would have impacts, and even if I had others to talk to, in the end, I would have to make them, so I just went for it.

I relate to a lot of what you all have said,and I agree with it all, that is why I needed other sharings to keep me on track. But what I do, do when I am in this phase, especially when my Fear comes in, I ask My Higher Power to help me, show me what to do, and if I am going in the wrong way, to block me. I trust Him, that is where I find Peace of Mind. As with any Decision, especially when it involves other people who I Love and Care about, there is risk, and I know that I am only in charge of Efforts, Not Results. To Iamhere, I do an awful lot of Praying, Crying, and looking after myself, and being grateful.

Once again, thank you all so much, for being there for me. WendyP.

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