but its the same me. I've changed my username as an additional privacy measure as I am now firmly ensconced in a new and smaller country. 

I have come along way away from my programme, after having to jump back into the non-recovery world. Slipped into the typical adversarial position and it doesn't make me happy at all. So, home I come, a bit muddied, very tired but knowing there is always a welcoming space/place for me here.  

In many ways, I feel like i don't even know what a programme is any more.  Loving detachment? Acceptance of others as and where they are and handing people places and things over to the higher power. I know this always works. I have experienced it. And yet, sometimes, my emotions still get the better of me. I need to be here. There is no such thing as privacy where I live and yes there is a home group but I feel it would not be wise to go there. Still, it is a type of progress to have it in place for sure. Maybe I will check it out as an observer only and then decide. 

So where I am at, is mumbling through the serenity prayer first thing in the morning and then talking aloud to my higher power at night. There are no active alcoholics in my immediate vicinity, but plenty of dry ones.    Alcoholism is the national sport however and I am a double. At times I think I would like to drink but then I remember why I do not and just try to take it one day at a time. Without working this side of the fence however it is an inevitable destination: I tend to pressure cook. 

It is a new year and this year I would like through the only thing i have ever found to work for me, being this programme of recovery, to acheive the peace within and continue to cultivate it.   

Happy to be here.