The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to everyone who has so generously given input on some of my questions. Especially about detaching. My 18 YO son is the A that is causing me the most difficulty at present. But I know that in truth, I'm the one really causing most of my difficulty. Now, what to do about it. I realize this is where working the steps comes in. Which I have done (and continue to do)from a slightly different aspect coming here from another 12 step program. I suppose it would not be a bad idea for me to consider getting a sponsor in this program as well.
It's more the tools I need from this program, I think, the actual nuts and bolts suggestions on how to deal with the As in my life on a day to day basis. One of the ones that was suggested, actually from my sponsor in the other program of which I am a member, had to do with asking myself a simple little question when the tension arose yet again. "Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be happy?" (I've also substituted other things for the "happy" - like employed, etc...) Sad to say, sometimes the "right" still beats out the "happy". And I do end up robbing myself of a lot of happiness/serenity as a result. But more and more, the happy wins. Lately though, I've been letting the "right" win. So...back to practicing.
Thanks again for all the wonderful input and I look forward to fellowshipping further with all of you.
Hello someone asked me along time ago do i want to be right or Loved ?? well not much of a choice really . I used to stand toe to toe and argue til i was sick and still was never right according to my husb so i learned u just can't win with this damn disease. I also learned that until the A no matter who they are says this is causing me a problem IT ISN'T it's causing us a problem and this program helped me to detach with love and step aside to allow them to go where they needed to go while i got on with my life. the alcoholic in my life was my husb so much easier to detach from him than a child i beleive but same stuff applies. I cannot save anyone , only me .
Perhaps u could pick up a detachment pamphlet at a meeting that little piece of paper changed my life , helped me separate with love my part in any situation and leave thiers to them. good luck Louise
Thanks for the suggestion of putting other things in the place of "happy." Boy, when I stuck "employment" in there it immediately put a few issues I am handling at work today into perspective! I love the sharing we do in this program. It helps me in so many ways. There are so many things I work on and practice every day. I keep coming back because every once in a while I wake up to the fact that seemingly magically something I used to struggle with has become easier to handle. A little at a time.
Thanks Karen for your wonderful post. I got so much out of it. "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" was one I worked to death in my early days and it is great to acknowledge our progress as well as our mistakes.
