The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so I'm back at work after summer vacation. It's been a pretty hard and busy week - the results from exams weren't as good as needed and so I'm already trying to preempt what is going to be a very hard meeting with my boss and a year of micro management, always asking for more and tough conversations. I have some challenging classes this year, some very needy classes as well. I'm giving all my energy to the kids I teach because at the moment they need that. I'm having to get up earlier than I used to because the dog has to be walked before work to tired her out so she's ok alone so I'm tired. And so tonight, when ABF is reading his messages but not replying, I know that means he's drinking.
On top of this I have MAJOR hormonal moods going on!!
SO I've come here for tonight your strength to help me through tonight. When he comes home I need strength not to yell, or to cry or to engage him in an argument. I need strength to hold my patience and to stay alone until he gets here because I've given all my strength to the teenagers this week. Thank you in advance for listening. xx
Rachael
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
Hugs, (((((Rachael))))). Its a true art to hear the disease speaking and take it exactly for what it is. I'm still a beginner apprentice myself. I send you my love and prayers, sister.
I just want to be selfish. For me. Just for once. But I have work. And the dog. And a mortgage and I don't feel like I'm ever able to just be selfish. And yet he gets to be selfish whenever he wants. And I put up with it. Mostly for the dog. It's so hard sometimes.
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
(((MizzB))) - sorry you've had a tough work week....I'm sending you tons of prayers and positive thoughts. (((Hugs))) too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hang in there - I know I am not 'built' to be a teacher......I have the ultimate respect for those who are/can!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks. I don't think I"m built to be a teacher either - I have very little patience (!!) which is why I teach older ones (14-18 mostly) but it pays the bills, it can be quite fun and when I"m at work it centres my mind on the task at hand which is very helpful at times like these.
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"To change the world, start with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all" Dave Matthews Band
((((Rachael))))))) sending hugs of support......I would let the ABF do what hes gotta do and I would be taking care of me and miss doggie....AND my job....Your posts reflect so much honesty and reality thinking...You are gonna be OK....sending hugs of support
MizzB - you got me beat....I really have no patience. I have to practice patience. There are exceptions but honestly it's one of my biggest defects. You must do well esp. if you've got the adolescents! I have a gal pal who teaches that age and she really enjoys it. I just shake my head at her as being a teacher just doesn't compute in my brain!
Keep doing what you want/need to do to put you first....trust the program as you are are and trust the process....sending continued thoughts and prayers!! (((Hugs))) too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Rachael I love that part of your post that brings back memories of when I counseled in the school districts and for behaviorally challenged young people. I also use to sponsor Alateen at the time and just learned tons from them as I allowed them to "teach me". Of course I use to be one of them and had memory of what that was like and I learned about that part of recovery which spoke to the difference of age and gender which I might often forget because I was now "older". Permitting the girls to teach me how they felt and thought and did what they did with respect to how things happened in their lives and to listen to the guys tell their experiences while not talking about what it was like for me at that age. Mostly I just use to listen and affirm their lives with and get them to "get the picture" from lots of angles. The years I spent doing that were a blessing for me and for them and our value together grew with each session. Truthfully I rarely spoke I was not there to confirm their stories only to listen and then invite another peer to present their perceptions and experiences. If they didn't have the experience they did not speak lying to each other was not allowed. I spoke to their teachers to inquire about positive changes and learned they were growing well. My group ages were from 14 to 17 years of age and you had to be sponsored into the group by the peers though you might have a counselor who wished you in. Yes there was a preponderance of drug and alcohol related behaviors and not only. I had to hide my anger at the disease. We had a school counselor sit in on the sessions by my request and he rarely if ever spoke. He once asked me, "How do you do what you do?" He knew the success rates and couldn't figure out how WE did what we did.
If he was a member of MIP he would understand. I never told him how we exercised open love and acceptance of each other.
I encourage you and your work. It is the single most courageous and important work we can do for those who are following behind us. We offer solutions not more problems. Good on you...prayers coming your way. ((((hugs))))
