The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm reliving 20 years of dysfunction through my son, his gf and her child. Its horrible to watch. Shes me, addicted to the drama, cant see clearly, thinks she can help fix it, thinks it will get better, thinks its all she deserves. Hes my ex, full of anger, bitterness, fear, and the worst bit the wee girl, I can see it in her, slowly one day at a time, distorting her pure view of the world. I can bearly stand it, its like looking at a young me and my young family but this time without the cover of denial. To see it plain as day and I'm still powerless. Ive taken her to a meeting, ive encouraged her but there is a part of me wants her to have him, wtf!!! Ive went on way too much about AA to my son and ive sent a number of a kind wise aa man I know.
I feel like looking for another job far away because the thought of watching this for another 20 years is too much. I want to run away. What does God want to see, is it the perspective of my children to really see the damage that was done, is this about a deeper amends here? I don't know. Just so so sick and tired of this, its never ending and Ive had enough. Feeling pretty sorry for myself right now. Thanks for reading.x
With a few exceptions it recycles and that is the disease with or without us. I'm watching it go after my grand kids and their families and tending to my own business until I hear my HP tell me "I want you to give such and such grand daughter/son some of your ESH and then return to your business. I can tell them "Been there and done that" and let HP have the rest. I'm not going to force anyone else into "getting it" outside of the basic ESH. I once told my grandkids "I know hundreds of people who can handle this problem" and when you want I can introduce you to some of them. It's not up to me is it? (((hugs)))
(((el-cee))) - I hear you loudly and clearly. I am so sorry for what you are going through and can only offer my ESH. When I see the disease rising up, I too want to run. Yet, my program and sponsor and HP keep me here and remind me to just live this day, this one day. Not too worry about tomorrow and not to project - just breathe and do my thing - mind my business as best I can.
I'm watching my son with the two slowly spend less and less time with them and the alarm bells are going off all around me. I just do not want to fall back into the pit of fear-driven days so I'm just using all the tools I can and trying hard to trust God and the process.
Sending you tons of support, hugs and prayers. Know that we are here for you as best we can be...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for your kind words. Feeling much better this morning. Had a moment last night. I've got lots to be grateful for and I made a decision to focus on that just for today x
(((el-cee))) - you all are in my thoughts and prayers. So glad to see you are in this day and found a path to it! Stay strong and grounded....in support always!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
