Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

C2C 8/14/17

Skorpi · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember feeling trapped so many times before I found AlAnon. Trapped at work, trapped at home, trapped in a bar. (All these things due to ride sharing with my AW - we lived 45 minutes out of town and had one car.) I remember feeling like I was stuck and had no options, no choices. If I left her to drink alone, how would she be ok? Where would she sleep? What would she do? How would I deal with her anger? even after moving closer to town, I still felt trapped. The day I left her at the bar and walked an hour home was freeing in a lot of ways for both of us. That was the first time I made a choice to end that trapped situation. It was hard, I second guessed myself, she was mad, I was very clumsy about it, but I learned that I did have a choice, and I did have the right to make the choice that was best for me.

a few years of program work and a few years of practice at making choices has made me less clumsy about them, and I am still learning how to make choices that are right for me and feel the emotions that go with them, without allowing the fear to prevent choices that are good for me.

Thank you for your service, Lyne. I hope you have a great day!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Morning Lyne, Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important topic. I love the quote; "self discipline is self caring."

Entering Al-Anon, I was unaware of how limited my life had become and how making choices and become so difficult.

I found that living with the disease of alcoholism, I abandoned myself and my needs, placed the focus on others and made choices for their best interests. I did not have a clue how to get the focus on myself, look inward at what I needed and then to either ask for it or set about obtaining it for myself. One of my biggest issues was that I never felt I had no choice.

Entering Al-Anon , I was handed some simple tools such as: keep the focus on yourself, live one day at a time, act don't react and treat everybody with courtesy and respect, including yourself, and examine your motives . These as well as well as a sponsor and meetings provided the opportunity to finally take care of myself in a healthy fashion. I could make choices , that were supportive of my own needs while still being kind and compassionate to others.

I'm eternally grateful to Al-Anon for these tools. Thank you for your service

mamalioness · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Lyne for this offering that I needed to see...Choices...Growing up this human right was deprived of me..I had to do what he said, no questions, no if ans or buts...recovery showed me that choice is the foundation of human growth....I exercised my choice today, to rest this week from work because of the emotional strain and heartbreak of losing my sister caused me to get so sick over the entire night of Saturday night...Pain off the charts in my stomach..I was so bad, I actually was "ready to let me go" to my HP in the physical form..As I recover today, able to get around, and able to eat again, I COULD work, conceivably tomorrow, but I am going to take this entire week off and take care of ME...the "guilt" demons inside of me say "you HAVE to go to work Tues. You MUST..." but the recovery part of me is saying "whats more important?? you or a job??" I am going to text my client and tell him that yes, today, I think I can eat, and yea, I am moving around, but my body is so drained from the latest heartbreak, it needs REST...I am going to tell him I need to get physically up to par so as to not set me back....I have a nurse friend who told me this physical breakdown is nothing to play with...I agree....Tomorrow I am staying home until Friday when my work schedule resumes.....my choice is to , yes, forfeit $$ I need, but a short term paycheck is not worth the set back I could do to me.......

-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 14th of August 2017 08:52:51 AM

KT2015 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Lyne for your service. I often read something from this book and it is the exact thing I needed to read on that exact day. Last night I came home from my meeting to find my AH very intoxicated. The bedroom smelled, he was slurring his words and not making sense when he talked to me and I just felt such a deep sadness. I didn't want to go to bed in the same room as him and so I stayed up very late (instead of going into the spare room and getting rest). I focused on all the things I couldn't control. All the ways I felt stuck in this situation. I woke up feeling worse. Feeling hopeless and focusing on all the things that feeling tells me about being trapped. Thankfully those feelings don't have to rule me anymore and I do know I have choices lots of choices. More than I ever thought possible. I decided today to take care of me a little more than normal. This program is helping me discover my choices all the time. In a week I leave to visit my very best friend across the country and I'm taking my daughter with me. We are going on a road trip with our kids just us and the kids. It's something I never would have seen as a choice in the past. As crazy as it sounds I always felt like I had to stay and watch my AH, take care of him, make sure he was ok before I could ever do something for myself. But that pattern has slowly started to change and I am so grateful for that change. A few months ago when my friend asked when I was coming to visit I said "august" lol. I surprised us both. It did feel uncomfortable to make that choice when discussing it with my AH. But now that I am closer to the date I can't wait to go. This program helped me chose to go on an adventure I never thought possible. What a miracle that is.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Happy Monday all - thank you for your shares and ESH! Thank you Lyne for the daily and for your service. I had many distorted views of what my role was in my life and my family - originating from this disease and it's affects on FOO....I really had to swallow hard and digest the fact that I had more choices than I had considered. My own EGO and pride had me convinced that all I was doing was 'right' and 'noble'.

I have come to understand, accept and embrace that it is so much better to be happy than to be right. I can decide to not engage, not react, not participate at any time I want - novel to this adult! So, so grateful for a program with tools that help me make better choices and gives me the right stuff to find my serenity, joy and peace.

Make it a great day - had little people overnight and my day is starting later than planned!! (((Hugs)))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene