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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Going to burst
Post Info TOPIC: Going to burst
Isthisreallife


Member

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Posts: 20
Date:
Going to burst
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It's been a few months since.i posted last. I swear I like I'm with Dr jackel and mr Hyde. My husband is a train wreck and he knows. The last.of the shenanigans I posted about breaking into my medication lock box and taxing 5 of Ambien and several bubitol asspap caps (benzo for migraine) and drank 1/2 of 1/2g in two hours.and then topped it of with all of that medication. To say he was belligerent would be an understatement. He was.full on hallucinating thinking someones coming kill him...the only rational.person would be me .. so he thought I was out for him and he pooped me a good one right in the eye. He was instantly asleep...i should have just call the cops then. Then a few smaller things happpened..let me back up a little bit. I was.working full time and he suggested that quit and stay home with.our kids. So now i have no.income.myself. now that I'm completely depended upon him he changed all of our bank account information. Im given an allowance. I have a no idea how much money we have. I take care of everything in regards to the kids he does nothing. No feeding, taking them to the bath room, changing diapers, giving them baths, brushing their teeth... he does nothing. We never go any where because he causes scenes every where. I got all family functions with the kids by my self. Anyway back to the recent stuff. I weand off my medication so couldn't steal it. A few weeks ago we had attend a wedding several hours away. He drank the entire drive there. We know also everyone there and he's loaded.before we even toast the bride and groom coming in the reception. Anyway all is good until my very conservative husband sees 2 males kissing. Had sober hubby been there he probably make a joke about it but inebriated hubby is here he makes scene.... like throwing chairs around outside. I talk security into letting me try to calm him down. I get him worked down and settle and the party continued. I apologize to the groom and to the Gay couple. I was trying to passify everyone and get out of there unscathed. I also told the bar tenders that I was cutting him off. He could have plain coke for the rest of the night. I think all is well and might just get out of here in one piece. Nope, drunk add walks up to the bartender and gave him his order and she said very politely "I'm sorry but your wife's cut you off". All i heard was "that fuckinv bitch said what? BOOM I suddenly was a.matador with waving red flag. He charged at me like he was going to kill me right there. Mind you we're in a group of about 200 interwoven guests that know all of us. He finally reached me and grabs me by my arm like I'm a.child.in trouble out the door. Everyone was staring. I have never been so embarrassed. Once we were out side. I told him to unhand me. From then all he had to was insults. I got him in the and to.the hotel. The next morning he acts like nothing happened. He doesn't remember anything after we had dinner. Ive got bruises all over my arm from.yanking me outside. I've been fuming about it. Now today is a minor thing but it's about to set me a blaze. I left with the kids to go get groceries. I'm gone 2 hours. I come home and he can't even stand up. I found his bottle that was obviously new today. So in 2 hours he consumed an entire 1/2 gallon of whiskey. Our children are asking me if daddy's ok and crying for him. Then he passes out on the floor. Further upsetting the kids. So I go get them settled and come back him peeing himself passed out on the floor.... Then he starts puking. Lord I don't have the strength. He's put me in a position that if I leave i loose everything. I don't have a job or a house for my kids and I to live in. I have nothing . I can't tolerate this behaviour. I don't want my children to grow up thinking this ok or to treat your family like this. I need out. My spirit is broken. My kids would be heart broken but I've got to figure out if I stay how much damage will done So so sorry for so long and it might not make an sense anyway, any ideas for someone wanting out of bad situation with no resources. I might have $2 to rub together but that's about it

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mamalioness


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2405
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Hey Isthisreal....I'm so sorry, you are going through this....sounds dangerous when hes drunk, so yea, I think if I were you I would find out where the nearest women's shelter is and talk with them...there IS help but you gotta research, google whats in your town, but women with kids DO have help...you probably would get the house if it goes to a breakup, but right now, First things first....find out where you can run to if you have to...When they start getting physical, it only gets worse...abuse escalates, never lessens...As the alcohol takes more and more control, he will get more dangerous and abusive.....I hate to hear stories like this...In the old days, I hear women had zero help, but now there are domestic violence shelters who can and will help, even with legal fees to assert your rights as a woman with kids....While you do that, I would also find a face to face meeting and ask the old timers there what ELSE you can do to protect yourself....a lot of them know all the things to do, and you will have support in those meets...good people, like you who need a break and a boost in life....there is power in numbers and your Al-anon meeting fellows will help but you gotta reach out to them....and you can maybe find a sponsor at that meet who will help you work your program because his drinking has majorally impacted you and those poor kids, so you're gonna need Al-anon and the community like the rest of us did and will always need.....Al-anon is for US, about US, to help us help ourselves...you did the first thing, reaching out to us, that was brave, now you can do the next right thing ......sending you hugs of support...it may look bleak now, but breathe....do one thing at a time to take care of you...do you have a friend to whom you can run if he goes nuts again???? pack a bag with clothing for you and the kids and hide it somewhere so if you have to run, you can go and grab your stuff and be gone till you can sort things out...I remember having a duffle bag with clothes, night shirts, under garments, soap, toothpaste, my car keys extra set, ALL the stuff I would need for a fast getaway...that was after my first escape with only my night shirt on and nothing else....lesson learned...i had a bag stashed and it did come in handy...I had to run again and stay with our Landlord, of all people, who told him he was "dead meat" if he came over there to hurt me...the next day, they "escorted" me to the house so I could pack my stuff, load my car and leave...I rememver driving through my town with the cash my landlord gave me for food, etc., and I found this great little cottage..the landlord was outside, struggling with the lawn furniture and I approached her, told her my story, IRS check was on its way, but for now?? all i got is food money , can I "trade" handy-girl services for rent?? No worries..she was happy to help me...(found out she was a domestic violence survivor as well...married to an active alcoholic who abused her so she was only too happy to help me get free) being honest and upfront with people brings out their instincts to help a body in need....follow your instincts...reach out...Help is out there...there are good folks in Al-anon and even in the "wild" who can and will help...Nobody likes to see a person in this fix..........HUGS of support...

__________________

Rose, a work in progress!!!

KEEP IT SIMPLE_EASY DOES IT_KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
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((ISthisrallife))) I am so sorry that you are living with such destructive behavior I so understand the pain and anxiety that you are feeling. You are not alone.   Alanon has face to face meetings in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages. There are domestic abuse hot lines also listed please reach out for support.

 Alcoholism is a dreadful, chronic disease over which we are powerless. Developing new constructive tools to live by and learning to focus on ourselves helps to rebuild our often damaged self esteem and self worth. Please keep coming back. There is hope



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
shrnp


Senior Member

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Posts: 484
Date:
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Hello Isthisreal,
I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I had problems like you said with your husband when I tried to attend social functions with my ex-abf. He too would start arguments and get falling down drunk. I stopped going places with him, and eventually we broke up. One slogan from Alaonon is that nothing changes if nothing changes. It would be great if you could find a way to get to a meeting. Additionally, like Rose pointed out there are domestic violence shelters. Most places have free counseling and group meetings like Alanon. This is the link for their website www.thehotline.org/. If you decide that you need to leave social services can help too. It was very hard for me to live with the insanity that alcoholism brought to my life. I was able to make changes a little at a time. I hope things get better.

__________________

Sharon 
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:
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(((IsThisReal))) - glad to see you back here and reaching out. I too am sorry for the pain, chaos and more that this disease is bringing you. As Betty suggests, there is hope and help in Al-Anon....I so understand that 'stuck' and 'hopeless' feeling that you describe; I was there too. I felt stuck financially as well as physically as I also gave up my job in the hopes of 'smoothing things over at home and to take care of the kids'.

Local members of Al-Anon reminded me that I was a valued person whether I worked in the home or outside the home. They gave me the strength, love and courage I needed to restore my sanity as well as my self-worth and esteem. It's so easy to look 'at all' and feel overwhelmed. They helped me learn to live One Day at a Time and supported me while I took steps necessary for my situation to move forward, one minute at a time.

I certainly also agree that researching local resources for abuse is important for your situation. We do not typically give advice with exception to dangerous/abusive situations. Knowing what is available in your area arms you with necessary facts should you need to protect yourself and/or your children. The hotline above is a great start to see/know what support

Please know that you are not alone even when you feel like you are. I remember others reminding me to just breathe, deeply, breathe in/out and consider small things I could do, just for today to bring/maintain any peace for the moment. (((Hugs))) - keep coming back!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
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