Welcome JD, I'm glad that you reached out and that your partner has elected to seek recovery, in an inpatient treatment program.

Alcoholism is a cunning powerful and baffling disease that affects not only the problem drinker but the entire family as well. Al-Anon is a recovery program established for families of alcoholics.and face-to-face meetings are held in most communities.

I can readily identify with how you are feeling as I have experienced the same. That is when I found  Al-Anon and began attending meetings. It was here that I finally accepted that I needed the support and help of like-minded others and was given new constructive tools to live by and  a supportive network to practice using these tools. I was so grateful that while my husband was receiving support. I also found the support I needed.

There is hope and help so please keep coming back and search out face-to-face meetings-- the hotline number is in the white pages

I too send welcomes to you JD - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I really had to get involved in Al-Anon and focus on my own recovery. I too had many emotions - anger, sadness, fear and much more. It is in Al-Anon that I learned how to focus on me, put me first, set healthy boundaries, detach from what others were doing, thinking, feeling, etc.

The best things I heard early on about feelings is that feelings are real but they are not facts. Most of my fear stemmed from past events that could not be changed or future projections - not happened yet! Learning how to just stay present in this day and do something recovery related for me really helped me.

I hope you'll try some meetings in your area - the local fellowship I have is beyond anything I've ever had. I can call my people, talk about what I feel/think, etc. and hear them share ESH that grounds me and reminds me I am not alone and it really will be OK.

Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!

 

 

The rehab he is in is surely manned by professionals in the field of addiction.  I know because the one I worked in did and because of our compassionate work the alcoholic and addicts were at a loss to power and control the family, friends and associates.  Alcoholics and alcoholism, the mind and mood altering fatal disease they carry, are by need very cunning, powerful and baffling and if you do not have the knowledge and experience, the willingness and strength with proper intentions this disease will create another victim we often are in our meetings. Because we often blame and judge ourselves and what we do and don't do in and with the disease confronting them includes confronting our own selves including our failures to get them clean and sober.  What is the conclusion of that?  we self victimize again.  

Confront the Alcoholic, recovering or not with the presence of a rehab professional and be ready and willing to be confronted yourself.  Until we learn a better way of handling our responses and reactions to the disease we must be willing to be confronted also.      ((((hugs))))  

Hi My experience is very similar. My AH hasn't gotten in recovery yet. Everything that he says feels like a lie to me. If I give in with a small glimmer of hope that he is being truthful,. I am the one getting hurt again because it was just another lie. I am struggling with acceptance today and have been spending time praying to my higher power. The selfishness and lack of concern for my life and well-being disturbs me so much. My AH before he started drinking was always concerned and made sure certain things were taken care of at home. Now he isn't even home most days or nights, at least when I am there. Doesn't check on me, spends time with his new buddies. That is so hurtful. I have to accept that this is the disease and he is making his own choices. It has nothing to do with me. How do you shut off those feelings??? I pray, talk to someone, read the literature. Sometimes it just isn't enough. I know I just have to keep coming back and more will be revealed. I pray for him to want recovery and take action. I can't make him and I have stopped asking or encouraging. It only makes him mad. Thanks for listening.

 

 

In coming to understand the disease and my alcoholic/addict spouse I learned to have compassion and empathy for alcoholics and addicts who were controlled by their addiction to chemicals that were taking their lives.  I stopped judging my wife as if she should be normal other than normally very sick mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.  She was not and could not fulfill my expectations or even her own and so I quit the judging and expectations.  Magically my HP used my alcoholic/addict to teach me humility which otherwise I would not understand thru my anger and resentments and animosity.  I never thought my wife would get sober and clean and didn't even know that she had entered the main program of the hospital I also was a therapist for.  I was at an Al-Anon meeting and this man entered the room excited and told the group, "you will not believe what I just witnessed".  We were all curious because of his excitement and he explained he was at the ARC, Alcohol Recovery Center family meeting and a counselor brought in a new female patient who was wearing a bag over her head and he told the group she had just put herself into recovery and when he went to her room in the morning to bring her to her first group she was sitting at the side of her bed with the bag over her head.  He asked her about it and why she had it on and she told him thru the bag, "I have come to understand that if I do not allow myself to be lead blindly thru this recovery I will not live".   Guess who that woman was?  That was my then former alcoholic/addict wife.  All of my judgements were less than and she did get clean and sober beautifully.  I was way wrong and have no problem admitting it because nothing stands in my way of faith in a Power Greater Than Myself.   

First 3 steps interpretation?    1. I Can't      2. God Can      3. I'll let Him.

((((hugs))))