The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about why some of us may be attracted to As in the first place, and what type of internal changes we may make in order to improve our own lives. The writer speaks of an awakening about his/her grandfather, who was an A. The writer learned many behaviors characteristice of living with an A from his/her mother, who developed them from living with her father. The writer describes the four Ms: martyrdom, managing, manipulation and mothering. With program help the writer moved away from managingand manipulation in the lives of others and put the focus on self.
I realized that while my parents had divorced by the time I was a young child, I learned and used the fourMs in relation to my A dad, who I had a lot of one on one time with. One of the greatest gifts I have received from the program is the relief in knowing I only have my own life to manage- with the guidance of my HP. Am I still attracted to As? Absolutely- but now I can look at what's happening within that night cause this and I know I have the strength and support of the program to help me keep from getting immersed in someone else's business.
Hello Mary This is an important topic and one I can identify with. Love the 4 Ms and know that I developed those tools early in childhood in an effort to get what I needed.
I martyred myself by making my needs invisible in order to get people to do what I wanted and to control situations. I never realized this unitl I began examining my motives and saw the reality of my intentions
Have a lovely day and thanks so much for your service.
I agree Mary" thriving" is the goal of recovery. I know prior to program, I sought to simply "survive". Voting lines already wow, I am getting dressed to go out there and thought I would beat the lines. Have a great day.
Good morning ladies. Thank you Mary for your service, the daily and your ESH. Thank you Betty also for your shares, service and ESH. I too used the 4 M(s) to get what I wanted and what I thought I needed to survive. I came to recovery thinking my way was 'normal' and that all folks were in survival mode each day, using learned behaviors/tactics to 'get by'.
Even with my pain and negative emotions/tools when I arrived, others clearly had something I wanted - pure, real joy and serenity. As I continued to show up with an open mind, they showed me the way - being true to myself and allowing others their own path/journey/truth. No matter how far down the path my qualifiers go, it's not my job to show them the way/truth - it's their journey with their own HP and all I have to do is focus on me.
Letting go of survival techniques and learning how to thrive has been tough but well worth the effort. I will always be grateful for those who came before me to show me the way!
I walked passed a voting station in my neck of the world and it was busy but not overflowing. They are showing some in our state that have lines all the way around the building. All I know is I am so ready to be rid of all the rhetoric/commercials on the TV! It's just so 'in your face'. I unplugged my home phone months and months ago.....
Make it a great day all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
