The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
thank you leo and tlc. I spent Jan. and Feb. with my gma. She died march first, national pig day. She wanted to go. Would have been 106 April 11, 06. Was a very wonderful/horrible experience.
I have been here reading. So much has taken about all I got. Couldn't even talk or listen anymore after she died.
My A's disease just hurts me all the time. I have nothing to say to him. Took him to his attorney today, for the 5th dui. not a felony and he will only get six to nine mo. beg deal. NO wonder they keep driving. There are no consequences.
He wanted to go to his brothers grave. I stayed in the van. He came back crying. I did not say a word. Next thing, only thing he said to me was, "Do you have any clonapin?"
One of my old Bassets bit me this morn, my difficult daughter sent me a mean email and I had to put the dog down. I had a huge wrap on my hand, he did not even ask what happened. Plus I fell asleep in the van when he went into the attorney. I hurt my back back a few days ago, so I am still sore.
All he asks me is if I have drugs. I just could not find any emotion for him. It is not him anyway.
I did not tell him I had to put kirby down, I did not tell him anything. number one he does not care about anyone but himself, he has made that clear. he will say I don't care, I don't care about anything, I am going to jail. number two, he will use it against me somehow.
I said I have to go to walmart and get my meds and get back home and rest. He will say," I wish I could go to walmart and get my meds and go home." Like who's fault is it A????
He acts like someone owes him something. no one elses pain is as bad as his.
Now if I feel bad, I don't mind hearing others vent at all. I like being there for someone else. Life is hard for everyone.
I just don't have energy right now. feel zapped. love,debilyn oh and tt sending you hugs. major hugs
Debilyn: You have taught me a lot about owning when I am exhausted. I did that and it helped so much. I put in boundaries I really needed to have.
I am so so sorry to hear about that you had to put one of your bassetts down. I am sure that dog was in real heaven for a while living with you. I am sad that your husband can not share your grief.
I know you are as detached as you can be from him. Nevertheless I also know that at times the A's self righteous self pity and reckless acts can still get to me. I try to limit my interactions with him a great deal. I also know the driving stuff (he does not have a dui to content with thankfully) and the financial stuff drove me over a lot of edges. I do not want to go there anymore.
I am glad that you are not feeling sorry for him and feeling like he got a bad break anymore. His actions do indeed have tremendous consequences. We all have losses, choices we do not want to make. Life can be very very difficult for some of us. I know my A makes his life and my life even more difficult and for many many reasons he simply cannot own it. I cannot own it for him unfortunately and my efforts to do that nearly put me under the ground. I am so incredibly grateful for this program for that reason. I have a place to come to where I can be real and be honest and get back on my feet again.
I know caring for your grandmother must have been a tremendous strain. I am glad she went out with dignity. She certainly had a great life and one part of it was your devotion to her to the end.
You sweet wonderful person. You give so much to everyone else. Now give to you.
I'm sorry about your Kirby. It always hurts when a furry friend goes, but you have such a special loving relationship with your pets, I can only imagine how you must hurt.
Take care of your body and take care of your spirit. Heal.
Spring is coming, new beginnings and new life. The pretty purple crochuses are up here in New Jersey. Silly things like that always give me hope. I can't look at them in the ground anymore, this year Ryan and Conner pulled them up and gave them to me. To me there is nothing prettier than squished purple flowers in a paper cup. I wish I could send them to you.
Much love Debilyn, I hope you are feeling better very soon.
