The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am very confused about something, and am looking for input/thoughts. The "Sick Man's Prayer" of the Big Book identifies the other person as sick and seeks God's help for him/her. But I am learning that I need to take responsibility and that in interactions the 'problem' is me - with my thinking/perception/reaction. So why is the prayer to call the other person sick? Am I not the sick one? And why am asking God only to "save me from being angry", and not asking God to help me and change my thinking/perception/reaction? If I am the 'problem' then why should I think I can help the other person, whose only 'sickness' is that they offended me (which is completely subjective on my part)? Why is the focus of this prayer on the other person, and not on me? This seems to me a contradiction, as the prayer seems to place responsibility on the other person instead of myself. Can someone please help me to understand? Thanks.
Is it a way of "letting Go and letting God"? Like, "I've been so bound up in worrying about how to run this person's life - God, I'm turning it over to you now"?
Although we bring our half to every interaction, I don't think anyone would argue that the alcoholic is not sick. We are both sick. Does that make sense?
The AA program as it is outlined in the AA Big Book is not the same as the alanon principles outlined in" How Alanon Works.
As I see it, this prayer is offered so that the AA member can learn to pray fo another instead of becoming angry and strike out. In essence we are all human and imperfect beings and in need of help
Heya cat091313....If you are referring to the prayer on page 67 of the Big Book, it's clearer with the context of reading the whole chapter. That comes from chapter 5, How it Works, and is written for an alcoholic to understand what recovery is and how it happens. That prayer is added after the alcoholic is asked to identify resentments, and examine them. It basically suggests that those who have harmed the alcoholic were perhaps spiritually sick and that's the cause of their actions, words, deeds....
The entire Big Book is online and it's helpful to the Al-Anon program in trying to understand the disease and the diseased. Resentments for both, Alcoholics and Al-Anoners are inhibitors to recovery, so both sides of the house are asked to use the steps to free themselves of the past, resentments of the past, etc.
I don't know if that helps or not or if that's what you are referring to. There are a variety of places in the Big Book where prayer is suggested. This is but one and is specific to a suggestion of action for recovery.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When a person offended we said to ourselves,. This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
One of AAs many paradox, so I am praying for a sick man, âMeâ because I am asking god to save âMeâ from being angry and for Gods will not mine be done.
In alanon we become even sicker than the alcoholic ? Angrier more resentful obsessed discouraged etc .. were all sick when you take the alcohol out of the picture and look beyond it to the real exact nature of our wrongs sometimes. Human nature. This is why study of these or other steps are applicable to everyone (humans) .. can opt to pray for you both. Pretty sure every prayer is heard. Just a thought in passing.
Welcome to MIP IamGrateful - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Alcoholism is a disease - cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. The disease does not excuse poor behavior, but instead allows those of us affected to better understand that it's not rational to judge, get angry or react.
MeTwo2 makes an excellent point that mirrors my experience. We are often sicker than the A and need our own program of recovery. The sickest are those who can't 'see' or 'accept' they contribute to the insanity and get really stuck in the blame/shame game.
Working Al-Anon recovery helped me move forward and find me again, in spite of what my A(s) were/were not doing. Keep coming back - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
