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Post Info TOPIC: Struggling to connect at f2f meetings


Member

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Posts: 10
Date:
Struggling to connect at f2f meetings


I am looking for suggestions for how to connect at face to face meetings.  I hear "pick up the 1000 lb phone" and "get a sponsor" but I'm really struggling to make connections. I've attended two different groups almost every week since July. The first three months I went mostly to one meeting Thursdays but the last few months I've been going to a different one every Monday and dropped Thursday to a few a month. I try to stick around but I don't know what to talk about. I feel the same about the phone. What would I say if I called people? I don't have a major crisis or an active alcoholic... Just my own crazy mind  full of isms.  

I feel like a lost kid that can't make friends but I just don't know how to connect to people (surely another symptom of this family disease.) I'm ready, past ready to work the steps but Id really like someone local to connect with. 

 

Thoughts? Suggestions?  Thanks so much. 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Hey SS - so sorry that you feel a bit outside the group! My best suggestions are to arrive a little early and offer to help with set up or the reverse - pick up after/tear down.

I was given a phone list when I first arrived, and it is difficult to pick up that phone, but I did it. I called a couple gals and did not discuss the program or my A - I just called and asked if they minded if I put them into my phone for my crazy mental moments. From there, the conversation flowed as if we were just newly met folks - how is your day? How are you?

I've attended a couple of business meetings too just to try and be a part of. I've volunteered to open the meeting and done some other things like that.

Just keep trying and putting yourself out there and it will happen for you....

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Hi SS I can identify. I found calling and saying I was confused and needed an explanation of a program tool, slogan or step helped. I had a member call me at work daily ( I did not know who she was). She would say I know you from the " such and such  a meeting", please just give me some slogans to consider. I did that and she would say thanks and hang up. After a meeting I found I could talk to a person that I could identify with over what they shared or simply say I loved what you said about such and such, that opens the door as well.

We can keep it simple and it works. Good luck



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5075
Date:

You might be confusing the purpose of the meetings or your expectations may be distorted. Meetings are for you and your recovery, its not really a place to meet friends. If that happens then great but its not somewhere to expect attention really. It sounds like your focusing on the wrong things. A good meeting is subjective, connection is subjective. For me when I just listen to others with my mind open I hear things I need to hear for my own journey. If im sitting wondering what Il talk about to people my mind is closed and Im missing the point. Let your higher power guide you and any words you need will come. 



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Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 64
Date:

Don't give up SS! I felt somewhat similar in my early attempts at meetings. After listening a LOT and going faithfully I started to read at meetings and then share when I had something I could add. It was gradual. I came to appreciate what the other members shared and they came to depend on me as a functioning member of the group instead of a "spectator".

Like el-cee said, I find myself guilty occasionally thinking about what to share, but then realize that I'm not listening. When I really listen, the shares just come or they don't and I pass.

Still not good at calling people, but always working on it. It is somehow easier to ask for ESH face to face or on line, but the phone is rough for me and admittedly every member of my group at the F2F. Every single one of us would be happy to pick up a phone for the other, but make the call somehow it just feels different.

Peace-keep on coming back!

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Thorn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:

I still just listen alot, i generally hear what i needed
To hear and there are members that really need to
speak. I can speak if i need to, i am not living with
My ex so most of my stuff is just a slow process of
Healing, growing and detaching.

I do my part at the meetings, i cleanup, libraian,
Go to business meetings, welcome newcomers and
talk to Whoever wants to chat.

The trick is to be busy and still be there. Many run
To their buddies for a quick chat and you feel left out.

We just started a new format that any one that
Is willing to stay afterward to help someone raise
their hand, Instead of a show of hands to be a
temporary sponsor. See how it goes, lots of newbies.

I did not like how my old meeting was yet i hung
In there for me, we have had many changes and growth.
It had become unhealthy mtg too many that felt they ran
the Show. We now are trying different formats from
A very healthy and strong meeting after attendance
Dropped dramatically.

I am still in my disease its a lot of hard work, keep
Showing up for you.

(((((( still smiling)))))



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:

 

 

One of the many many things that helped me connect to the fellowship and program is mentioned at the end of our meetings, "If you keep and open mind...you will find help".  Being closed minded was normal for a defensive person like myself and I had to learn that and practice the opposite.  Open mindedness is still an art form for me.  To listen without judgement and criticism was fulltime work.  Now I listen and if I don't understand I ask questions and listen more.  I don't need to get it all; all of the time all I have to do is listen and "act as if"...Maybe you are carrying some denial and fear into the rooms with yourself...maybe not.  We don't always know what is going on yet we have the daily opportunity to find out and the tools to do it with.   Keep coming back.  I'm sure we all connect with you.   ((((hugs)))) smile



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