I was told here when brand new that I wanted to look for someone who knew the program and LIVED the program, someone active in it and whose ESH (experience, strength, hope) I liked.  There were a couple women at my ftf (face to face) group who I had my eye on, by listening to their story I could see how far they had come.  I wasn't sure which one to ask and decided HP (Higher Power) would let me know.  One of these women was the literature servant.  She attended almost all the ftf's in our area, so she must have been going to 5 or 6 a week.  She was also the first person I made a phone call to when I needed to reach out.  So I asked her if she sponsored and when she said yes, I asked her if she could take on one more sponsee, and when she said yes, I asked will you sponsor me?  And she said yes.  She encouraged me (twisted my arm lol) to volunteer as group secretary.  All I had to do was show up to the meeting and read the announcements and update the phone list as needed.  I could do that.  The added benefit was it forced me to get to my meeting weekly as I now had a responsibility to the group.  At that time, that is just what I needed, because I am the type to say "oh I don't feel like getting dressed today and going out...I'll go next week."  What she did for me was get me involved in our group and feeling a part of it.  I was with that group for about 7 months and then we moved out of the area.  I still miss them terribly, they were just awesome.  Got a card from the group about 6 months after I'd moved - man, did that ever touch my heart!!

The area I have moved to does not have anywhere near as many meetings to offer.  There are 3 a week here.  Friday noon, Saturday morning, and Tuesday night.  I am a late riser so mornings don't work well.  I don't see well at night to drive, so nights don't work well.  That Friday meeting though, that worked.  Much smaller group.  I haven't really "clicked" with anyone yet, but that could be because I haven't made a real effort either.  I was still attending the online chat and meetings here - it is my second "home" and I've grown attached to quite a few.  I volunteered to chair the Step/Tradition meetings in here, and then I thought to myself...gosh, I haven't worked those myself, I better get to work on them!!!  But I needed a sponsor to help guide me.  So what to do?  I didn't feel I knew anyone well enough at the ftf here, and I really felt I needed someone I felt comfortable with and so on.  So I thought okay, perhaps an online sponsor until I meet an ftf one.  There is someone here who when I was brand new was the first person to give me Hope.  I came in to Al-Anon numb, angry, miserable, ready to divorce yet not wanting to.  She told her story - how she had managed to stay in the marriage and be okay - how eventually her husband also found recovery.  She did NOT promise that Al-Anon would save my marriage.  She did say though that I could find serenity if I worked this program.  Every time I have heard this woman share in a meeting or in open chat, I could "hear" the program working through her.  Every time I spoke with her about any of my problems, she always seemed to know just what to say to help me, what piece of literature to share with me, to get me to read.  Oftentimes I would say how she lives in my head, meaning she seemed to know before I'd say anything, what would come next.  And of course when I'd mention that to her she'd just say "well I've already been there and done that."  So who do you think I asked to be my online sponsor?  Yes, of course, I asked her.  And my life has been so blessed by having this woman in my life. 

You hear people say, look for someone you can relate to.  Look for someone who has what you want.  I could relate to her because she had what I wanted and she'd been through what I was going through - coming to Al-Anon with an active A and wanting to stay in my marriage.  She gave me hope without false promises.  She is always very honest about the ups and downs to be expected.  She allows me to make my own choices and doesn't judge those choices, even if it isn't what she would do.  She is patient and kind, yet knows just when I need a good kick in the butt. LOL  She doesn't mince words with me, even when it comes to saying something I just might not want to hear.  I appreciate that.  What she tells me is Program.  If I choose to listen and work it, I find it helps me.  If I'm just not ready to listen... oh well, the same issue comes up again, perhaps in a different form and eventually I have to work it.  We get there when we're ready. 

For me, the choice of a sponsor is a really personal matter.  I had to really look at those I knew, I didn't want just anyone regardless of how much program they had.  It had to be someone I could trust and work with, and know would tell me like it is whether I liked it or not. Someone who had never been married or who had divorced their A probably would not have worked for me, as a lot of what I work on is how to improve my relationship.  Also needed someone who had children as that is another issue I deal with.  Someone who has "been there"....that's what I needed.  This is just my own experience.  I know there are many different experiences, perhaps we'll get to hear some more (hint, hint lol).  Hope it helps!!

Luv, Kis