The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I asked the questions of myself ... Why do I feel this way, why is my life in such chaos, why do the A's/Addicts in my life do what they do? Why do I react the way I do to them?
I haven't let my HP have much room in my life in a long time. I have a real problem with the difference between believing in God and organized religion. So I go it on my own quite a bit. I think someone had finally said "Ok, you have fouled it up plenty... now sit down and listen..."
In the past few weeks I have been living on this board, been to 6 F2F meetings and reading literature like it was crack cocaine. I simply can't get enough info.
I have learned alot about myself, some I like, some I don't but at least I am not blind to it.
I have learned that the 6 years of yelling between me and my now 21 year old son was likely the result of the growing collection of "decorative" liquer bottles in his room. That one still bothers me, because even though he is a generally good kid, he periodically turns into a selfish little 13 year old who can understand no reason. - think I understand why now, breaks my heart that I didn't put the two together before.
I have learned that I resented my uncle for years for being an alcoholic/heroin addict and poping in and out of my life and driving my grandparents nuts and should instead have understood that 'He' was still there and was just very sick. ... But he died this past weekend and I will have to relay my sentiments via some other means.
I got some really good advice here.... "do the opposite of what you would normally do..." (thanks Abbyal) That really stuck with me since I am finding I should do the polar opposite of what I have been doing for years <sigh> Nice to know, looking forward to integrating it more into my life, but really disapointed in myself for not coming to Al-Anon before now.
I have learned that my wife is not crazy about Al-anon. She hit some web site to see what it's all about and hasn't had a civil word for me since. I hope she gets over that because I'm hooked! I have a lot to learn, but that's good because before this, like so many people, I didn't think there was anything I hadn't tried to make these feelings go away.
Everyone has been great, patient and understanding. If I have not said it before...Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Sorry for your loss & pls, let me remind you, we have predispositions to diseases we don't cause them... some have them, so don't, it's genetic... nor can we "save them" from them either.
I loe the expression you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, this is true also of ppl's awareness.
I've had some rough patches, perhaps I ought to take Abby's advice & do the opposite as well! You cannot change the past with your son but you can change, eventually make amends. Can't force ppl to understand or even forgive you, we just do the best we can.
I (assume ur wife is an A) why else would she be mad that you're getting sound & free therapy?
As fat as God & "organized religion" goes, to me they are completely seperate... God is God, religion is political in origin & man made to control other (hu)mans. For me they could NOT be more seperate! God lives in my heart ~ religion is an organized system outside of me.
As far as 'kicking yourself' goes, take it easy ~ everything happens in God's time, not ours.
love, -Kitty fo Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I'm from Texas as well. So glad you are here with us. I know exactly what you mean about how addicting Al-anon can be. When I first started 2 years ago, I was just like you ..... read every piece of CAL literature I could get my hands on..and went to every meeting I could. Finding this online board and chat room has truly been a blessing as well...I have learned more program from the people in these rooms than anywhere!
I know also the feeling of wishing you had found al-anon sooner....but, do not be disappointed in yourself for that. We each got here as quick as we could. I know for me, any sooner and I would not have truly been ready for it. I came to al-anon on my knees....and that is exactly where I needed to be..... if I had still been on my feet, I probably would have just walked right on out the door and never came back.
Not sure why your wife is "not pleased" with al-anon, (is she an a?) but, I have heard many times now how the people in our lives not in the program think that we sit around talking about them and trying to figure out how we can change them.
He He He.... little do they know!!!!!!
Around these parts, it is all about US!!!
So glad you have found al-anon and this web site. Keep coming back my friend, it just keeps getting better!!!
You are exactly where you are supposed to be in your recovery. I lived al-anon too at first. You have to because the chaos is so hard to handle without support. As I am sure I said before...welcome to MIP and I am so glad you are here!
