The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I met a man a while back and we have been dating pretty seriously. I met his son and he has been very attentive and loving. Yesterday I was out late from work. My work is close to his home. And we were going to eat dinner together at my home but since I was running late I decided to drop by his home. Their was a car in his driveway. I didn't think anything of it I went up to the door and I find him and some woman. He said she was an old gf he had abt 16 years ago. She just moved back into town a few months ago and she got in contact with him. They have been talking and seeing each other for the last month. He said his old feelings for her came back. I left he followed me home and said he loved me and couldn't decide. I said I'm sorry but u cheated and the trust is gone and I am not going to wait until u decide. He obviously had already decided. I told him that when you truly love someone the action of cheating would not cross his mind. So here I am again cheated on. I was upset at him but more so at myself. My self esteem is so low that I fall for any man who shows intresting in me. I am not thin nor beautiful. I struggle with body image. This man told me I was beautiful and sexy in my plus size body. He said I was kind, caring and sweet. He said all the things I've always wanted to hear. But they are just words. And the words he said are the ones I should tell myself. But I don't cuz I don't believe myself when I say them. I am sad because I want to have a loving relationship. Maybe I'm not meant to have a relationship in my life I don't know why things happen sometimes. I used my tools in that I called an alanon friend and I kept to my routine. I really really wanted to stay home and just cry all day but I didn't I went to work. I have work to do in that I need to work on myself in the area of self esteem. Thank you for letting me share.
(((texasgal))) - so very sorry that this happened as it did. I am glad that you came to share and hope that by getting it out to your alanon friend and here you are started to realize it's not you - it's him. Whether he's good or he's bad or he's right or he's wrong doesn't truly matter. What matters is that you found out now vs. after more invested time and that in spite of wanting to isolate, you went on with your day.
You are a success. You did what the program suggests - the next right thing. It may not have felt wonderful but it is progress. There's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and looking for relationships. When you are feeling better, you might want to examine what worked and what didn't. I am one who believes things happen as they are supposed to when they are supposed to, and that there is always a lesson to be learned.
Huge hugs for you - sorry that you're feeling beat up and hope that the program can help you carry you through this. We're here for you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The way I see it, you put yourself out there and took a chance and that's what we all need the courage to do. The difference between people in good relationships and bad relationships is this: when the other person shows they're unsuitable, that people in good relationships leave. They move ahead (sometimes with sadness at first) and hold out for what's right and healthy for them. The people in bad relationships stay with the bad person! Which you clearly are not doing. In my old unhealthy ways, I might have tried to "win" the guy back, or listened to his excuses. You didn't do that! You knew it wasn't right for you! That frees you to move on and find a guy who is healthy and right. So in my book you won. I know it's sad and hard and frustrating and infuriating right now. But in the long run, you are the model of someone who cares for herself enough to make sure she only gets a man with integrity. Go you!
Just sending you hugs. I'm sorry your heart got hurt, and good on you for walking. Like Mattie said, my old MO was to try to "win" losing all of my self in the process. I'm inspired by you.
(((texasgal)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
TG, what a strong woman you are! You have moved forward in life, learned some tools on how to handle disappointment, learned that you are worth so much more than this guy was offering. He is the one who should be upset because he has lost far more than he knows.
Mattie is so right. Sure you are hurt and disappointed and so you should be. But you are also aware that one man is not going to tear down your self confidence. And thank heavens that you found out his unworthiness to be your partner in life now! Move on with your head held high.
That sucks and I remember how it did. This was big and long lessons for me in program...Self love and affirmations and relationships with Program family and Higher Power. I had to learn that no one out there is perfect and also many have secrets and that included me. Take care of and work on me to be the person I wanted others to be was the lesson. Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other person for exactly who they are allows me to temper the "special" stuff I over focus on. Time for a relationship build with sponsor and HP for me. Keep coming back...(((((hugs)))))
I'm sorry that you are hurting, but be proud of yourself! You have boundaries and are brave enough to not let someone else move them. I wish I had your strength the first time my boundaries were crossed. Your strength has encouraged me to stick to my boundaries today! Thank you :)
I too am sorry for this experience and the pain it has caused you. Can you reach out in your face to face meetings as well, because the personal contact can help you a lot. {{HUGS}}
-- Edited by Debb on Friday 30th of October 2015 05:36:54 AM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
