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Well things in my life just Went from bad to Worse I can front of my husband but there is no Way I'm going to go to counseling With him and he freaked out. He demanded to know wHo I can talk to you and wHat it made me cHange my mind since tHe fact tHat yesterday I was considering it. SquiShy blame my mother whom I haven't Spoken to in two weekS I told him it waS becauSe I woke up Sick to my Stomach having had more dreamS about more women and I decided I juSt couldn't live thiS way anymore. So I texted him that next planned it to a mall and I Said it waS time to Start the divorce proceedingS and I wanted to try to Stay graciouS aS beSt aS we couldn't be needed to come up with Some agreementS and that I would move out and keep it iS cheap to him aS poSSible. I got home tonight you have cars to fix dinner Prince Charming that he is and when my daughter was in the bathroom getting ready to go to her drama rehearsal I basically asking if you'd heard from our mortgage lender to which you replied yes what is it you like me to do because your name of the attached to this mortgage to and nobody's going to lend to me was just my income. I said but people do it everyday to which she responded well why did you change your mind on counseling and I said well for the third time I've never really wanted to do it I was just trying to get you to appease you because you just wouldn't let it go. He kept pusHing tHe counseling issue and I finally scream to no I'm not going to counseling at tHat point He said so tHen I want to know wHy tHen I'm not going to tHe divorce mediator. I said because I can't live under the knowledge of what I know ongoing sexual relationships with a friend the affairs I can't do it is a good I'm going to tell your daughter that you're the one giving up on this marriage. At thAt point I screAmed well then why don't you tell her About your AffAir would tell her About your AffAir with MAriA. . He flipped out and started screaming will I'm going to tell Her wHat tHe love affair you've been Having witH your mommy and daddy for all tHese years tHat's ruined our marriage and led me into tHe situation tHat we're in. The course by This poinT she was screaming and crying he was screaming louder I was Trying To geT him To calm down and he was jusT irrate. Saying how dare you bring thiS up in front of our daughter to which I Said you are relentleSS you will not let thiS counSeling thing go I've told you it iS done I told you two weekS ago itS done and we need to figure out a way to Separator aSSetS and go quietly. He screamed a little more it was time for my daugHter go to drama I was supposed to to take her to which she said no you take your coat off I'm taking her and she's going to hear all about the truth about her mother. I'm left here with no phone service because its raining and my phone for some reason doesn't work I've tried to reach out to my sponsor but of course my phone doesn't work and I can't get ahold of her I'm kind of scared I'm not sure what he's going to be like when he comes home when I know I just royally screwed things up. take Her He said
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Part 2 he's claiming that I die in the resPonsible for the mortgage is he is also I mind you he's been Paying at all these years but now he's telling me that I have to cough uP the money and figure it out it just went from bad to worse he's refusing to go to the divorce mediator if I don't go to counseling so I have a feeling this is going to get god awful ugly I don't even know where to start. . I'm feeling most horrible because of the way I behaved in the way he reacted in front of our daughter I was just pushed too far I can't take this anymore it had to be gracious and keep coming home to this man whose just being relentless nice and kind of expecting I'm going to just forget all about all of this crap that's going on. I was afraid this was going to happen and now it has I haven't killed him but I came close and i freaked out my daughter and now he took her.I can't reach out to anybody by phone for anybody who reads these I would die for you to just write back to me I'm kind of scared I'm kind of worried and I don't know what tomorrow's going to bring. I know I overreacted and I started this fight I just couldn't take it anymore I have been trying to be gracious I've been trying to stay in this house but he's just keep pushing my buttons trying to make it all better insisting he could get into recovery and we can go to counseling when all I wanna do is to get out
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
You're not alone!! Can you and daughter go to hotel for couple nights just to get away? I'm sorry that your AH is making a horrendous time even worse but he is an A and from my experience its never THEIR fault! My AH wouldn't leave the house, so I finally did, the weeks leading up to move out date were awful - the guilt I felt and was being told by AH how could I do it, how could I break up the family, on and on but yet he did nothing to show he'd change and 6 months later still hasn't. To make it easier I didn't mention divorce just separation and he figured I'd be back once I was on my own. Within a week of moving the peace and calm I felt coming home was amazing - I wanted to be home, I wanted the weekends to come!! It's not easy and am working thru divorce process now but its so much better than being treated like crap. My kids are happier too. My ESH would be focus on one thing at a time - separation would give you the space you need and if he's serious about recovery he will do it and find counselor, alateen someone your daughter can talk to and process things with. I was worried about money and all that you mention but maybe you've had this also - at one point I realized ENOUGH and there was no going back from that. You can also consult with a lawyer for free to know about mortgage, custody etc. things will get better, you will get better just keep on doing next right thing. And take it easy on yourself ((((hugs))))
((theoceancalls))...first of all, breath....just breath....in through your nose...to the count of four....out through your mouth, to the count of four. Do this a few times....Stop, and think a minute. Anger does crazy things to us...don't be angry. I know it's hard...but it's not okay to do what you both did in front of your daughter. SHE doesn't deserve that.
Second...I have a lot of suggestions, but I'm not entirely sure I'm supposed to give you the advice I would give anyone else...that wasn't part of this group. If someone can enlighten me on the rules....I'd be better informed.
You need to find a way to focus on the right now...but I would think I could tell you this...do not instigate...and if, for any reason, when your husband comes home...he is angered still...and yelling...you should quietly and calmly tell him if he can't use an indoor voice and behave nicely in front of your daughter, then you have no choice girl..you call the police. Do not be bullied...do not be abused. Just tell him that you are not going to fight anymore...fighting isn't getting either of you anywhere, and it's scaring your daughter. If counseling is truly something you cannot do, then you must start preparing yourself for the divorce. But again...I'm not sure what the rules are here on advice for things like that, so I won't go into any details on my suggestions...just try and breath...if he talks crap about you to his daughter, she is old enough to see through it, and it will be him hurting her...not you. Don't you do the same thing. She knows what's going on. Kids know way more than we give them credit for. Lets give her some peace okay? She's just a child.
That's all I can offer for now. Prayers are with you to find the strength to get yourself through all of this with the least amount of damage to yourself and your daughter. Hugs to you.
I took the email off the public section of the board - please send a PM to TOC if you want her email. I'm doing it for her protection, spammers can pull emails easily off the public board - Kenny
-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Thursday 29th of October 2015 10:01:14 AM
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Sanddollars, thank.you for thecom. I am never able to respondcthrough there. But i heard you. I lost it tinight and now need to get back to playing my game. He will ruin me if he is pushed. Just told me the dog is half mine to which i said no thank you. . He said too bad. . I said ut will be hard fir me to find an apt with a jerk dog. . He said well, you tell the kid your heartkess and dont want the dog. Grrrrr
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Hi TOC I am sorry that this difficult situation continues.. It appears his "Good" kind" personality has disappeared and his true self surfaced. You did not mess up The situation is very volatile and that is why it is wise to leave the home . This is so you and he can get space and time to decide on the next right action. I would tell him the reason you are refusing to go for any counseling is that Therapy or counseling with an active alcoholic DOES NOT WORK You have been going for individual counseling for years and developed tools to live by = He needs to work on his sobriety first because without that there is no chance of a marriage Keep reciting the serenity prayer and if it gets insane call 911-- I have done this and it helps -
