The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Forgive" is a word like "accept",for me. Both have felt like chokeholds, outside things imposed around me. I try a little bit more each day to grow my understanding around these two things, acceptance and forgiveness. Growing acceptance began with acknowledging that I didn't necessarily have to like what I was accepting. I do believe that with the many masks of co-dependency and addiction, that is not always a facet which is immediately obvious. Like many of us, I was forced to pretend everything was okay in situations over which I was powerless. So, today, there are people,places and things which I accept just as they are, but i also feel free to admit that there are some aspects to people, happenings and consequences which I do not believe to be right and which I do not like. I am free of the things that i can not change. Freedom is a good and deserved feeling. Forgiveness i am coming to suspect is like happiness: An inside job. I read an affirmation, it said: I forgive those who have tried to take my personal power. Two things struck me. One was resistance. The other was realising that the act of forgiveness was freedom from the attempt. Forgiveness is an inside job. My difficulty with this word comes from drunk family members abusing it. Specifically, one toxic person who would say " i forgive you" when she was infact a harmer of others. In my today, i see forgiveness as an act of compassion, and for one person in particular, i can not yet find compassion for his current self though i accept it, but i can feel a compassion for what made him the way he is. So, i forgive his attempt to steal my personal power,as it was an act of ignorance. We can't know, what we don't know. I still dont want to be anywhere near his reach, but every day, i will pray for a protection, strength and love which transcends both his fear and my own. That's where I'm at right now. I wanted to share .
In my efforts to keep my life, thinking, program and processing as simple as I possibly can, I view each as a decision.
Acceptance for me is seeing and acknowledging the truth, exactly as it is. I don't have to like it. My truth will be different than your truth, and my values will be different than yours. So, this is part of acceptance to me. I can accept that I am honest and view stealing, cheating and gossiping as wrong. You (or another) may agree with that statement in principal and purpose, but not define it the same way in practice. So, acceptance for me is knowing me to the best of my ability, accepting me to the best of my ability and accepting others are and will be different than I - some better and some worse.
Forgiveness for me is deciding to no longer give away my power, mind, thoughts to another person, place or thing. Forgiveness is easier for me if I've accepted the facts and reality of the situation. It only means I choose to take back my power and I choose to keep it. Debb's signature line is so powerful about Forgiveness - "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
This is a powerful quote that made sense to me when I first saw it and continues to apply today. When I am able to look at life with a truthful view, I see that we are all different in how we do what we do and how we view life/others around us. When I stay on my side of the street, and do that which gives me peace and moves me forward, I attract better quality friends and find better relationships and outcomes. Accepting that everyone is human and nobody is perfect helps me with acceptance and forgiveness too.
Lovely thread - can't wait to see what others share! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((A41))Thank you for sharing your hard won wisdom with such clarity. I agree completely and have worked through the same issues in a like manner.
Interesting enough , I found the more I worked the program, let go of other defects, HP replaced many of these defect with a universal" compassion". Keep on taking care of yourself and know you are not alone.
woo-hoo! It is very interesting to find lifelong anxiety diminishes somewhat with acceptance. ANd how the concepts of the programme overlap, like letting go, not taking things personally. I feel like I can breathe again. Thank you both for your responses here and elsewhere. xx
((A41)) Recovery truly is a remarkable process . I love to turn around and find myself responding differently in a situation. I marvel at the internal changes that I was not aware of nor had I made any effort to achieve--except to keep showimg up and work this program .
Certainly glad you are sharing the journey,
It becomes necessary to change, otherwise we dwell. Dwelling on hurt turns one into a hurt person, hurt people hurt people. There's way too much to be grateful for in my current life. I feel like ive had a lot of lives in 34 years and three countries! Mostly, I have my new little people. Though one is very frustrating today, and has destroyed 200 dollars worth of my precious books in about 2 minutes. And thinks its great to jump in water with new shoes on. I accept his autism, but oh boy today I really do not like it!!
My experience - little ones are a blessing and a curse! Lovely, cute, cuddly and capture our hearts but learning how to deal with life at young ages/stages.
(((Hugs))) that the little people bring pure joy today!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
