The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is just awful around here waiting, really hard on the boys. I had another compliment on what good kids they are today, this is killing me. Failiing at a second marriage. I came here one year ago today. My boys skipped school to help me pack this in the camper, our uhaul. We went shopping for things we will need for the new house and on the way back, one of the boys said a husband should never swear at his wife and also admitted he had read letters I had wrote to my hubby on the computer over the last year, so he knows I have been trying.
Yesterday my A, sober blew up at him over a roll over toilet paper the dogs chewed up, so he won't even go in the same room or use the same door of the house that he is in. I feel like I should send them to their Dad's for the duration, but I am afraid he might use it against me down the road.
The house I am buying still has stuff in it from the estate and they are in no hurry to clean it out, it's just junk. I even told realator to tell them to leave it. I guess they are in no hurry for the money.
Please keep us in our prayers, the boys have state wrestling qialifying this weekemd and don't need this stress.
The won't leave my side, they sleep on the floor next to the couch they r so worried. I am not, but it is making them fine men! They don't want him near me just for swearing.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
Jrt: I have been married twice. I don't know that I would say I failed at either. I certainly did everything in my power to get both men help. I know they used it somewhat but they did not commit to change. I also know in the current relationship I have been in the one that brought me here I have done all in my power to help my A. I also know that I am powerless over his alcoholism. I am not sure I would say I failed at anything because I did my best. For me a committed relationship is a 50/50 thing. I do have a knack for picking men who are uncommitted and I understand some of that now. After all I have committed far more to them than I ever did to me.
I am sorry things are so very stresful for you right now. Transitions can be very very taxing. I am also sorry your son's are feeling the stress. I am glad that you are using this room.
For me it is already 3 marriages down the drain. I felt like a real loser at this last one. But hey...I am here getting help and he is still drinking and losing jobs etc. I know how u feel though. Maresie is also right...it takes two and I seriously doubt that you did not keep your side of the street clean. You can't do it for them...it is a partnership. But what do I know...I am still learning.
Josey your not a failure just because your marriage failed. Your marriage failed not you. Love cannot survive without justice Josey and there is only one person trying to change it's just too hard. If we can't get back a little of what were willing to give it's futile , no one wins with this damn disease except the disease. hang in there won't be long now. Louise
I don't know if this will help clarify things in your mind, but let me remind you of what I am going through. I let my children stay with their dad temporarily. He refused to return them and used the whole incident against me.
It wouldn't be so bad if his home had been healthier than ours, but it is not. My children were reasonably happy there, but there was drugs, domestic violence and they were learning horrible values and attitudes.
Have you talked to your boys to see if they even want to go to their dads? It sounds like they wouldn't want to go if you offered.
I am admiring your strength in this dire time. moving at the best of times is stressful, never mind under duress like this.
It must be of great confort to have your boys close at this time, but to serve them best, they may need you to push them away a bit. Not reject them, certainly I would be available to talk, share, etc. but a child should not have to protect the parent. It may end up making them possessive over you or overprotective, kids shouldnt know too much.
I understand the comfort you are getting from them though, and I don't doubt that you will work to make a 'normal' life there in your new home asap for you and your kids! You sound like a strong woman, who is pioneering a new way and a new life for herself now.
No birth comes without pain and healing after!
I just speak from the POV of a child who was clung to when the chips were down. I have abandonment issues, had a hard time with my mom through my teens, because we were much too close when i was a kid, because she turned to me for comfort when things were bad and lonely for her. I still harbour guilt where she is concerned, and I feel that if she had been my rock , instead of the other way round, i may not have those issues now, to the degree that i have them.
I have sons. They are great company and support for me especially when their dad moved out. He doesn't get it that he is showing them how to be a man and a husband. Not a great role model. Good luck to them at the wrestling tournament.
There's a light at the end of this tunnel, a silver lining on this cloud and soon you will be settled in your new home and be free. Try to keep your eyes on your goal and remember that this is just part of the journey. I've asked myself recently over and over "what can I learn from today's events?" There's always something. Keep the faith my dear friend.. I know how strong you are. Personally, I don't see what's happening as a failed marriage, I see it as something that you've outgrown. Happy MIP birthday by the way!!
Love Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You are doing what is right for you and your boys, and that is all that matters right now. I agree with all of the above posts, and I wish you the best in years to come.
