The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We were talking the other day, and someone is going to be needing the MIP screw for awhile it seems. I need to tell my husband of my plans of leaving and could really use one. Cound we find it in the MIP budget to buy a few more screws?
Of course David lost the good one. But in my home town some kids did break into to the evidence lock up. Anyone up for a road trip in the MIP bus? I really need a screw when I dive into this next step of leaving.
Seriously my time is growing near where I have to tell him of my plans for me and the boys and the timing needsto be right so I don't have to live in hell the rest of the time till we can get our stuff out. Please keep us in your prayers, I want this to be asimple split, not an ugly divorce battle. The kids still want their step Dad in their lives. I don't burn that bridge.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I would like to know what the Screw is as well. I figure we all need a screw once in a while, but would like to understand what it is you're all talking about before I land myself in trouble talking about it.
I had been coming to Al-anon meetings six months at the time my wife and I separated and she filed for a divorce. It was the lowest point of my life. My wife had been going to AA for over a year, and though I had hoped that we would be able to heal together and preserve our marriage, she made the choice to leave.
Without my newfound Al-Anon family, I am not sure if I would have survived this time.
Over the next weeks, we had occasions where we had to meet to discuss the terms of the "settlement" of our possessions. I felt so horrible at these meetings and was barely able to face her because I felt so much hurt, resentment and anger. The meetings were not productive because I wasn’t able to check my emotions and communicate reasonably.
While discussing this with an Al-anon friend from MIP, she mentioned she had a friend who carried a small stone with the name of her home group on it as a reminder that she was never really alone. I liked the idea of a physical reminder of my group to carry with me. Actually being able to “see” them there with me, but wanted to use something other than a stone. My friend and I often discuss home improvement projects, so she suggested I carry a small screw with me instead. I loved the idea!
I chose an inch long silver flat head screw, and carried it to the next meeting with my wife and her lawyer. We sat around a table, and I set the screw standing up in front of me on the table. I am sure they did not know what to think of the screw but it worked beautifully for me. As we discussed things, whenever I would start to feel my emotions taking control of me, I would glance at my screw and think of my friends and feel calmer. At one point my wife bumped against the table and knocked the screw over, and apologized! It was all I could do not to laugh as I just calmly stood my screw back up. I made it through that meeting, and when it was over we had agreed on the terms of our divorce. I was even able to wish her a happy birthday as we parted.
The next big event for the screw and I was at the courthouse on the day the divorce was to be finalized. My wife chose not to be in attendance. We were not required to be there, but I felt I had to be there for the end and to make sure nothing changed from what we had agreed on.
As I stood before the judge, her lawyer read off various statements. I drew strength from my screw which I held in my left hand. However, trouble began with the screw when I began fiddling with it, and it caught the attention of the bailiff on duty! In the middle of the proceedings, he walked over to me and asked me for the screw! I was momentarily confused, and I asked him, “You want my screw? I need my screw!” But he was firm! He held his hand out to me for my screw. Reluctantly, I handed it over. It never occurred to me someone might see my little screw as a potential weapon! There I stood, full of all of these emotions; shame at the end of my marriage, grief, loss, and fear of what the future would bring and I stood there now…screwless. As the Judge announces that on this day my marriage is over, while I am profoundly sad, I am at the same time chuckling to myself about the screw.
Not quite ready to give up on my screw, when court is over, I walk over to the bailiff to see if I can get the screw back now that I am leaving. He just shakes his head no. I ask if he can meet me outside where he can give it to me, but he just stands impassively and does not anwer. Finally a woman who is the court reporter tells me, “Sir, the screw is now the property of the County.” I smile at her and walk out of the room.
Thanks to the suggestion of a fellow Al-anon member I was able to get through some of the hardest events of my life knowing that my Al-anon family was there with me, lending me their strength and hope for the future...and with a wonderful bit of inside humor that kept me going when I needed it the most.
I have given a few of the same kind of screws as my original screw to MIP members whom I have met. It is interesting to me that the screw seems to be taking on a life of it's own!!
Yours in Recovery,
David
By the way!!! Today March the 3rd is the one year anniversary of that meeting with my ex when she knocked Mr. Screw over on the table. he he he.. the saga continues!
I have You in my prayers for smooth transitions during these important changes. Look Forward, Look Up! Hang Tough Girl ~ Let Go and Let God when times get too much for You and know we are here for You to support you. Big Hug. ((Love You, Josey))
david i just LOVED that story!!!! only us guys in alanon wold appreciate it..LOL!!! i can just see the bailiff's face when u asked for ur screw back!!!!!! that was awsome....sooo sorry for what u had to go through!!!!! i am glad u r here!!! rosie
David, Wonderful story about your screw. I just love it. Not only its symbolism but the bailiff's attitude. That is so excellent; what a dork he was, but you had the real secret to serenity in your mind. And the apology from your ex....too much!
I will never see a flat head screw in the same ole way again.
As a result of an argument with my A about thirty minutes ago, I came to the Al-anon boards to read and, perhaps, vent my frustration. I cannot tell you how much this thread means to me.
David, your story about the screw is priceless. Thank you for posting it.
Josey, I hope and pray your exit from your A goes as smoothly as possible. If it doesn't go smoothly, then I pray you will have the courage and the strength to see whatever final decision you make through to its conclusion. Thank you for being an inspiration.
Maybe I, too, will one day gather together the courage to get out of my own mess with my A. Maybe I should find a screw of my own to carry along the way....
Sondee - any tangible item you can carry and hold will work. Look for those serenity coins to stick in your pocket, you can pull it out rub it and feel it warm in your hands! It's awesome. Hallmark stores also have plactic rocks with simple words like love, hope and faith. I even saw one with an angel inside. You can reach in your pocket touch it and know no one even knows you have been touched by our MIP secret!
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
