The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my husband just relapsed monday after a year of sobriety. he is a crack addict and has bi polar disorder. so we've done this before. alot. but this time i took the car and the kids and rented a house. i just can't do this anymore. i prayed and prayed for an answer and i got it and i'm doing the best i can for now but i'm terrified. i've been here before and this is all familar but this time i need to just keep going forward and not do the same thing because i never get a different result. he called and is in the middle of his addiction= blaming me, feeling sorry for himself, not doing anything to help himself. and i hate him for that. i was feeling very sorry for him and very guilty until he called and i realized how sick he is.i've been working this program for 3 years now but tonight my phone weighs a ton. i just need to vent and cry and be scared and have faith.this disease sucks. i hate it and i don't want to deal with any of it anymore. i know thats unrealistic. i'm tired and lonely.
(((serendipity))) So glad you are here, and so sorry to hear of your husband's relapse. Your higher power has given you the gift of this program, its support and tools. Great job taking care of yourself. Reach out whenever you need to, there is always someone here. I know the feeling of the phone weighing a ton, so often times when I cannot pick it up, I come here instead. Plus I love reading the replies and checking in, it gives me something else to focus on, rather than the insanity being created with the addict.
I just wanted to send you some hugs. What a tough situation! I hope you're taking good care of yourself during this time and giving yourself the TLC that you deserve.
Your story sounds much like mine. (except mine is not bi-polar at least I don't think so LOL). I feel your pain and your lonliness and fear.
The only way that I have gotten through these last 5 years is to detach with love big time. I don't count anymore how many relapses there have been, nor how many lies have been told nor how many promises have been broken.
Today I make my own happiness. I take control of my own life and what I need...... serenity. I have learned to stand on my own two feet, a pretty scary place for a co-dependent. Sure it would be nice to share the burdens of everyday life with him but that is unrealistic. Even when he is straight he doesn't get it.
No one is going to tell you to stay with him or to leave ... that is your choice. Weigh the pros and cons and let God guide you.
For me I choose to stay but have my own limitations as to how much nonsense I will tolerate. Having kids also, leaving for me would have to be a planned event. Uprooting them at this juncture in their lives would only add more pain to their lives. I have discussed this with them and they have no desire to leave. They would rather have a dopey dad around then loose all that they are familiar with. I guess with them it is being in a comfort zone of insanity.
My prayers go out for you and yours. Stay strong, cry rivers if you need to.
One of my favorite slogans in this program is Live and Let Live.
Before Al-Anon, I never recognized it as a two-part idea, I just perceived it to mean I should mind my own business and let other people make choices for themselves. However, the way I read this statement today is different.
After two and a half years in Al-Anon, I see now that the first thing this slogan tells me to do is to "Live" myself, and then give others the choice, the dignity, and the responsibility to do the same. To me this captures the essence of detachment-- It may be difficult and it is often not a picnic, but I can absolutely live my own life today, and do so with energy, focus, serenity, and even joy, regardless of how my alcoholic loved one is living his. That is what I wish for you, too.
Sending you happy, peaceful thoughts and wishing you the best of luck.
"i hate it and i don't want to deal with any of it anymore. i know thats unrealistic. i'm tired and lonely."
rosie>>>>>>>>>u may come to the point whre u DONT want to deal with it anymore.....but whatever u do...stay...leave....i hope u make sure it is based on what is really best for u and after u talked w/ur sponser, shared on meets, etc...steps.....we dont have to "deal" in any other way than what we choose.......my EX was an alkie....i dealt and dealt, than i wanted to get into recovery for ME...MY issues...MY welfare, and he did not...kept his drinking...drying out, cleaning up and than relapsing....(ONLY 12steps recovery work and God is going to heal them) anyway, i ended up telling him i was getting into recovery and did not want to deal with it any more.......relationship over with.....did i miss him??? sure!! he was a really nice guy....do i still love him???? sure!! i pray for him at least once a week.....would i go back????? not in a million years UNLESS he was in recovery for a few years and REALLY working the program...and that is a "maybe".......to me, and this is MY opinion only.....life is too damned short and trouble finds me easily enough w/out my going out and PURCHASING it!!!!!! me and my recovery and my healing comes FIRST!!!!!!
keep working the program, and u will know what to do and god will give u strength to do it...whatever u decide to do.............peace/ rosie
I am sorry to hear of your crisis. I can relate. I can also say that coming here in crisis just before Christmas was a turning point for me. I was no longer prepared to exist in isolation. I also got into counselling again and I also found a sponsor.
Obviously you have a tremendous amount on your plate at the moment. I once dated a crack addict and certainly understand the urgency and ferocity of that addiction. I have forgiven myself for doing that. At one point I got him to go to a program he had already been to a few. Nothing worked for him but I do know people in AA and NA who had tremendous crack problems who got into the program and it stuck.
I have been really inspired by shares in this thread about living a life on your own regardless of what others around you are doing. I have always been so orientated to share and to give too much of myself. Now I am trying to find my own way regardless of what the A does and regardless of what state my family of origin is in.
