The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I experienced a light-bulb moment the other day. I was reading Courage to Change, looking up readings about acceptance and came across the 3-A's which I had never heard. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.
I always thought that I was good at blocking out what was happening around me. I think I became too good at it because it literally cut me off from experiencing life. I was aware that my parents were arguing about my dad's drinking (the screaming could be heard for blocks). I was aware that my husband had medicated himself into the closest thing next to a coma. I was aware, but I never accepted it was real. I wanted the fantasy life I had created and I was going to pretend that my dysfunctional childhood/dysfunctional marriage would somehow magically no longer be "dysfunctional" so bite the bullet and and things will play out as I want them to sooner or later. How ridiculous! I was determined to not let "them" get to me. I wasn't going to let myself feel sad or hurt, at least I wasn't going to admit it aloud. I would, at times, say to myself "I am so mad/sad/etc.." and since I didn't want to feel mad/sad/etc...my "solution"; ignore it!
I realize today that I need to allow myself the much needed step of Acceptance. Validate I am having a feeling rather than pretend it's not there. Because if I am pretending it's not happening then how can I move on to Action and get some relief???!!!!
I think Acceptance is one of the most important principles of our program-- without it you can't even do the very first step.
I love the three A's too and they really helped me advance in my program. when I got here I had a lot of extra a's-- anxiety, anger, abnormality, abominable behavior, abrupt departure, absurd expectations.... but I was not self-aware, and I was entirely unwilling to accept reality. Instead I blamed all my problems on others, and tried to make the world suit me. The one A I did have was Action, and man was I busy! But all my Action was inappropriate because it was not preceeded by Awareness and Acceptance.
My life is much different today. Staying in Acceptance helps me to eliminate insanity and unmanageability, to know what I am responsible for, to be able to take constructive action to achieve what I need to achieve. Thank you for your post and for this great reminder.
Kinda new here and would like to dive in. Of course not wrecklessly.
I can very much relate to your new lite. I started doing that transition
some time back. Have patience with yourself. As you redirect yourself
remember forgiveness is for yourself to as well . I could say so much but
I better take it easy til I am a little better acquainted and prepared. You
are a real person with real needs and I hope you find your way thru.
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
