The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
we went to a meeting i seldom go to because I need a ride to get there. afterwards, i asked him what he thought. He was less than impressed. he said that it just seemed like a place where people share their stories. He said he didnt understand the hands off approach to the alcoholic. he said that they didnt have any practical answers for my particular situation
He has always been there for me and i respect his views. in a way,yes,they couldnt give me any ideas..me and him have been trying to figuire it out. You see, i dont drive and cant. I live away from all transportation/stores etc. I always counted on ah to take me where I need to go. Until he lost his liscense and he destroyed his car. I would have to relocate,if i left ah. problem is we own our house together and i would be liable for the payments even if i left unless we divorced. i would try to get a job if i relocated. im 57 and havnt worked in 15-20 yrs.
I have a very small amt of money,cant even access my pension without ah's signature
sooo im in a pickle but alanon at least keeps me sane
Hi Yarncrazy, Alanon isnt really a drop in one visit fix type of program. Its a long road we all walk to get to another place where we are no longer hopeless. They ask you to go to 6 meetings because it cant really be judged in one visit. People do share their stories, that's part of the recovery, some stories take a lot of courage to tell. Its the stories that helped me make the changes in my life I needed. I could relate to every single one, even if it was a tiny part of the story that I identified with, it helped me to learn how to communicate the way I had been living. Just to say the word alcoholic and hear these people use it freely. It was such a taboo word before. Its not all about the stories either, its the reading, the studying up, its like learning a new language, it takes commitment and effort. There is no quick fix for our recovery. Everyone's circumstances are different and challenging, leaving isn't always the answer either. I sense you feel trapped and your looking for someone in alanon to help you leave. Thats not unusual, there are women in my group who help or have helped each other in this practical way. It takes time though, they suggest 6 months before making big changes just to get your mind back in reality I think, then who knows what practical help you will get?
I just listened,learned and absorbed for close to two
Years. I had all the facts and info in my head, i went
To two therapist, and i still stayed at home. I could
Not bring myself to leave even though my dry ah was
Looking at other women. Nothing physical yet.
He is the one that ended up leaving to have a better
Relationship with an AA gf. He has been gone since
Mid july. Now we are getting divorced, something in me
Would not let me leave. I am very glad for that now.
i have healed so much being out of that toxic enviroment
And i have stood my ground and grown strong in the
Process.
I Will get my own little apartment soon as we agree on
Settlement. I am 58 but i do work two jobs. I was at
Home for 15 years before going back to work so i
Understand your fear. I was going to a womens shelter
(No money or job) Myself 8 years ago then decided to
get a job instead and In the end it worked out better.
I could rely on myself Again as i always did in the past.
I didn't get it after my first meeting. I went to 2 or 3 meetings, but kinda felt the same way your BIL does. Didn't go for a year again, but got it the next time. Many of the things discussed in AlAnon are counterintuitive, so it takes a while to get it. Hopefully he will keep going just to take you I'd nothing else.
It took me 6 weeks of 3 or 4 meetings a week in different places before I "drank the kool-aid" as I put it.
Now I not only talk the talk I walk the walk.... and when that light bulb goes off... THE WONDER IT HOLDS...
some meetings are better than others. I still will hit a meeting I don't much care for on a night I don't normally go if I'm in need but it may not be a meeting that resonates for me.
AH came home last night and was talking about his meeting and someone in it was celebrating 51 years sober but they had not gone to AA meetings a lot lately since they were doing Al-anon due to their adult children... they said the 3 Cs and AH could NOT remember it... well I got it perfectly
We didn't Cause it
We can't Cure it
We can't control it
but we can contribute to it.
first time I said it out loud and I remembered back to January when I first heard it and I could NEVER remember it... I just knew there were 3... (and a 4th)
but fake it till you make it is a great plan...
__________________
-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
