The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is just like trying to not eat fattennng food. I have to bite my tonque not to scream that ah promised to go to his aa meetings etc since he got out of rehab and hasnt. He promised alot of things and i have to use all my strength to not scream about it.. I have to be strong and not touch the piles of paperwork he promised to attend to. This is his side of the sidewalk. i feel like a neighbor of a hoarder who cant bare the sight anymore.
on top of that,ah doesnt like my detach behavior and views it as being a b***
Higher power help me
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 28th of March 2015 06:47:00 PM
Keep taking care of you, think of him as
A roommate. Go to as many mtgs as you
Can. Stay away from him and his drama
And behaviors. Embrace alanon with all
Your might.
I know for me, when the name calling and blathering long winded one sided conversations start up - it's because I have successfully worked my program. He feels derailed by this new behavior, as I am not engaging or rescuing anymore and simply doesn't know what to DO with that.
When I change my behavior he is uncomfortable and attempting to sabotage this to go back to his comforting state of homeostasis.
But I am not responsible for him - just me. I will let HP help him find his footing in his own time. And I will ask God to help me stay put in my own healing.
Keep doing what you're doing. If the urge to scream comes up - another option is to just vent here where it is safe to do so.
It's so hard to learn to NOT listen to promises... words are just that words.. .I have to bite my tongue and not ASK if he's going to a meeting. I just set an example and go to my meetings. I go on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday most weeks although l swap it up now and then. MOST of our meetings are not in the same place or at the same time so it's independent of each other.
I also do not ask him of his plans or ask for promises... ONE day at at time.
__________________
-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
I know for me, when the name calling and blathering long winded one sided conversations start up - it's because I have successfully worked my program. He feels derailed by this new behavior, as I am not engaging or rescuing anymore and simply doesn't know what to DO with that.
When I change my behavior he is uncomfortable and attempting to sabotage this to go back to his comforting state of homeostasis.
But I am not responsible for him - just me. I will let HP help him find his footing in his own time. And I will ask God to help me stay put in my own healing.
Keep doing what you're doing. If the urge to scream comes up - another option is to just vent here where it is safe to do so.
Hugs to you!
X2 Great post Jenny!
" on top of that,ah doesnt like my detach behavior and views it as being a b*** "
I've recently learned(intitution) that this means I'M doing something RIGHT!
Was it on this board that I learned the term J.A.D.E.? When they're trying to get your dander up; don't Justify, Argue, Defend yourself or Explain.
I had a friend tell me that arguing with an alcoholic is like teaching a goat to drive. In the end your car is totaled and it's still a f'ing goat!
