I am trying to handle this feeling of infuriation but I can't seem to get my tools to work.  I am feeling like my blood pressure is through the roof and I can't seem to calm down.

I had to go out of town to a conference etc. and I was stuck for childcare, so I agreed that my ex-AH would come to this house and take care of our kid while I was gone.  He sleeps in the guest room, and the deal is that he and our child "live" at his place during the day but just sleep here, as there isn't really an extra bed at his place.  The agreement was that he does not cook or eat here.  He is a binge alcoholic with long sober periods and our child is a teenager so I wasn't worried about drinking.

I don't have any particular evidence that he was drinking, but the fact is that he's becoming more sort of bizarre and unhinged just generally.  He was sober when I returned, etc.  We do not have a hostile or adversarial relationship, we had calm and cooperative communication throughout this trip.

Nevertheless: my file drawers were all open, as if he had been looking through them.  (If you're going to be sneaky and look through file drawers, why not close them again afterwards?)  A precious momento which had been put away in a drawer was out and broken.  He broke the microwave, the blender, and the garden gate (off its hinges).  The sheets were off his bed and on the floor under the bed.  The lampshade was off the lamp and upside down in the next room.  He had eaten half a plate of dinner, decided he wanted to save the rest for later, and put the whole plate as is in the freezer (no plastic wrap or anything, just a half-eaten dinner sitting in the freezer). He had spilled a bottle of ketchup on the floor and not cleaned it up - just big gobs of ketchup like someone had killed something.  He obviously got it on his hands as there are blobs of red in the bathroom, the guest room, etc.

And so on.

With anyone else, I would say, "He's back on the bottle."  One sad thing is that my ex-AH is perfectly capable of all of this without any drinking at all.  He unquestionably has some kind of neurological issue going on.  The weird thing is that he interacts with people normally and so on - you wouldn't guess. 

But maybe what bothers me most is the lying.  "I didn't leave that dinner in the freezer!  I didn't eat in the kitchen at all!"  "I didn't go into your files!"  Such blatant lies when the evidence is right in plain sight.  I'm leaving out a number of things that would just make you laugh, they are so blatant.  There's no question this is all his doing and not our child's. 

But I feel like a burglar has been here and ransacked my home.  I am also feeling sick because I am required to go on some work trips and I'm trying to think how I can manage to get someone here to look after our son (not old enough to stay here overnight on his own), and how much it will cost.

Most of all I just feel sick, sick, sick.  Putting the house back together makes me want to throw up.  And I am beyond furious at the hassle, expense, and violation.  I know it's my "fault" because I took a risk and let him stay here.  But I feel stuck and angry at having a job where I'm supposed to travel, and being a single parent on a small budget without reliable backup.

How to get my serenity back about this?