The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, My wife's first court date was yesterday. Just the initial appearance and signature bond.
Today, she got a letter notifying her of a sentencing that happened for her refusal to allow a blood test without a warrant. (Since it is her third, the blood draw instead of the breathalyzer was required.) Apparently, there was a court date she didn't know about. Luckily, it was not a mandatory appearance. Odd, because I had all the paperwork from the officers (they gave it to me in Emergency), and they had our address correctly on the documents, so just odd we didn't know about it. Ah, well. She's not to drive for three years, and has to have an interlock device. (That's the part I am not crazy about: she doesn't have a car anymore, and I cannot afford to pay the fees to have them installed in my car or truck. I will have to see what I can do about that.)
She was upset, angry, etc. and ended up passing out after buying herself some vodka. I managed to get her into bed a half hour ago, where she was upset with me for making noise without warning (aka. letting the dog out to go potty) and disturbing her ability to listen to the radio (which we leave on during the day for Chloe as part of her crate training when we are home). Apparently, she forgot that she had passed out in the living room and was not, in fact, listening to the radio program in the bedroom intentionally.
Chloe and I ignored her for our nighttime routine, and by the time we were back in the house, my wife was passed out again, in bed, with her laptop.
SO happy I ignored the bait for the radio argument! Also, I managed to get all references in my footnotes into my bibliography today. Yay! (My campus has been through 3 different reference management systems, and so my references are, to put it mildly, a mess.) Tomorrow: On to major edits!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Good job rising above the chaos. The fact that it is chaos continues to be true, clearly.
Outsiders can't see into a relationship, of course. I am wondering what keeps you with this woman who has let chaos take over nearly every aspect of her life, and who is allowing it to get worse before her eyes. Not a question for you to answer "out loud," just something to ponder.
Sounds as if your academic work is going really well. Onward!
Thanks everyone! And, thanks to payday, I have internet again!
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Skorpi, it sounds as if you are considering putting in this device for her benefit at expense to yourself. Would you consider this enabling? You have on your hands a spoilt teenager who sounds like she is killing herself. It could be that tough love is hers and yours best chance. There is such a thing as loving someone to death, i was doing this to my son. Its dangerous to alcoholics and ourselves. When i learned how harmful my choices and behaviour were to an alcoholic it was easier to say no, mean it and let the temper tantrum go right over my head.
I am actually not considering installing this device in my vehicle, unless the court specifically orders me to do it. I don't want to personally be held in contempt of court, but we are married, and if the court orders all vehicles that she has theoretical access to to have the device installed, I do not know what my specific rights and limitations would be. We live in a common property state, so I do not know if she has "ownership rights and responsibilities" to the vehicles in my name or not. I think I had better get a hold of a lawyer about this.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Oh dear, surely if you own the vehicle then you have the final say? Can you insist she has no legal claim to it? I hope it works out that way for you both.
Of course, if you are required to put it in because you are married, you could become un-married. Not saying what you should do, just thinking through the options, which are wide.
