Its mothers day here and its a good time to reflect on what it means to be a mother and to have a mother in our lives. My own mother has been dead for over 10 years now and im a different person to the person she knew. I imagine our relationship would be a good one, i have accepted my mother and her flaws and the gifts she gave me. She did the best with what she had at the time and isnt that the best anyone can give?  Ive always been a bit of a rebel without a cause and i rebelled against her too. I challenged her always but i know she loved me for it, she also must have thought i was a pain in the backside too at times. I miss her, i wish she had witnessed my awakening. I think she was awakened, looking back there were sure signs that she was awakened and enlightened, she tried to share it with me, she gave me books and there were conversations that suggest she was living in reality, she tried to get me to listen to the truth but i wasnt ready.Some of it seeped in and i catch myself saying things she would say. She was wise but she couldnt give me wisdom. I had to wisen up on my own through many years of mistakes or solid learning experiemces. i miss the conversations we would have right now. I think we would have been in sync at last. The daughter she knew was constantly pushing and forcing solutions, always in my will, determined to get what i want. Now i look at my grown children and think, i wish i could give them the gift of enlightenment but i can only watch as they clock up their own years of mistakes and experiences and hope that they get to the point of surrender too.x