The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you. I found this to be true. When i learned forgiveness, only during the last 3 years, i felt the freedom it brought. I think to acdept that people, including me are flawed with good bits, bad bits means i can forgive. I can feel compassion and i can let go of resentments. Someone said resentments are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I like that.x
And the flip side which is equally true is that you cannot help someone out of a hole until you climb out yourself. Specific to forgiveness...forgiving and being kind to ourselves allows for real forgiveness of others.
The most helpful observation to me about forgiveness was how so often we freeze our feelings about the wound/injury in time granting them a sort of immortality. So, of course, we get beaten up repeatedly every time we revisit the offense. It was only when I realized that I could change my feelings about the offender (they are larger than the offense, are weak, need my support, etc.) that I could break the connection between what they did and how I feel about it/them now.
I've discovered that it is only after I change my feelings and memory that my resentments can lessen, and on good days, blow away with the wind.
you can't hold someone down without staying down with them.