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Okay so I really did not expect anything different so I am not hurt or upset. I am wondering what is a healthy way to respond when you have discovered someone has mislead you by leaving out important information that would have changed your decision.
Great question, and to be honest, I am not sure. I really could use some insight into this, though...
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
That was exactly what happened. That was my boundary and information was omitted. Now what is a healthy way to respond, without blaming, and not denying it happened?
This boundary thing is hard isn't it? I was just wrestling with this kind of question earlier this morning. For me, I just need to be really clear what my boundaries are and communicate them clearly to my AP. I also have to make sure that I am very clear on what the ramifications are if those boundaries are crossed. I'm being very careful not to draw lines in the sand if I'm not willing to stand by them. I'm still at the beginning of this journey, I just joined Al-Anon in November, but I'm learning fast thanks to my F2F meetings and this board. One day at a time....and I'm learning every single damned day!
-- Edited by GreenerGal on Monday 9th of March 2015 12:31:19 PM
I found boundaries hard to enforce if they dont care
Or are checking out of the relationship. My ah was too
Much into his disease and chasing women to care about
Boundaries. They no longer mattered to him. He left out
truths too when they showed him in a bad light. Honesty
And honor Were a thing of the past for him.
Truth I wold need to know a little more about this issue. It appears you were not surprised that this person acted in such a manner so that I am confused as to what the issue is.
Were you testing the situation or was it a valid situation ?
I have dealt with this in personal business over the past several years. Mechanics, real estate agents etc etc... I thought it all had to do with me but a woman in recovery told me, "No, ....they do it because that's what they do."
I made an agreement for a visitation with my ex-A sister. She seemed up front with information and led me to believe by omitting information that I was agreeing to one thing. When my son returned, they had done exactly what I asked them not to do because my son told me where he was. I am frustrated because instead of problem solving. She manipulated to get me to agree.
I'm my mind omission is manipulation. My husband tells me only what he wants me to know as to avoid any reaction he might not like. He assumes how I will react and then decides how much truth he will give me. In reality, the only thing I get upset over is the lies themselves, not the mistakes and the struggles. His omissions and lies are reflections of how he feels about his choices and actions. I have to tell myself that at least a hundred times a day because it's my biggest struggle. To me, total honesty is everything. I only feel betrayed by the lies, not the struggles of the man. Very difficult situation.
It is interesting because i make a completely different assumption about why people do that. I think they do it because they believe that they cannot handle or move through painful emotions so they assume you cannot either.
That is truly my core value that gets violated as well!!! That is why I can no longer be around it!!!