The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had the hardest time with detaching. I would have these conversations in my mind every day, being irritable - all with a pit in my stomach. About a month or so ago my husband went to visit his brothers and I opted to stay home. I said a lot of prayers and then felt that warm feeling inside that he understood and was going to help me with this. This is how it started. From those past weeks I almost feel normal, whatever normal is to everybody. I am not internalizing about this and that and it has been a relief. I am actually saying to my A "whatever you think", where before I would not have done that. I hope this continues. I am going to work very hard so it will continue. I feel more empowered. I am glad I am no longer in his face. He is his own person and so am I. I have my boundaries and he knows what those are and that is it. And, we are actually getting along. I also feel calm. That is one word that has not describe me in many, many years.
Thanks for listening, Jen
-- Edited by Jen61 on Saturday 7th of March 2015 10:26:53 AM
I can relate jen to 'he is his own person and so am i' I was tangled up with my ex ah that i didnt know we were different people. There was a time when i felt safe with being tangled up with him. Ifelt less alone and that someone was looking after me and was there for me. I gave up much of myself for this. I couldnt make a decision without talking to him about it first and i believed whatever he thought was right, so often i did what he thought was right. I became a kind of him, with his values and beliefs. I thought he was strong and i was weak. Of course there came a time when i wanted more and thats when we would argue and fight a lot. I got to see that he was sick and that his decisions were a bit nuts and seemed to come with consequences time and again. Learning to detach from, not only the drinkers in my life, but from everyone really, has given me freedom. I can say things like you might be right or im sure you can work it out. Its the right way to respond too because it allows people their dignity. They get to live how they see fit and so do i. Thanks for sharing.x
What wonderful progress, Jen!
I cant totally relate to that feeling of warmth in my belly, and the calm. The kind of calm a lake has on an early, still, summer morning, when the only ripples are caused by loons and fish. What a beautiful feeling that calm is.
Thanks for sharing!
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Jen...I hear so much good stuff in that post. Not just detaching, though that is great. I hear growth. I hear what happens after practicing detachment for a bit....which is that you begin to find more of your own identity and you start self-actualizing. And while for some it isn't always their qualifier, you gain the ability to have a partner in life because you are not looking for another half to make a whole. You are letting yourself and your husband be two separate whole entities that work better as a couple rather than an enmeshed singular blob of disease, fighting, blaming, and unmet needs. Healing is good. YAY!!!! Good for you!
