The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was driving to class a couple of days ago and I thought I saw my ex! My heart started pounding and I started shaking.I thought I was going to have to pull over or return home.He was in the passenger side of the car and a woman was driving,We came up to the traffic light and I saw it wasn't him and I breathed a sigh of relief,for myself actually because in that moment I wanted to get out of the car and rip his head off.A lot of emotions came to the surface.I loved him,I cared about him!I remember one night he was suffering terribly with a toothache,it was in the middle of the night,I got out of bed and went to the store and got him some medicine!It must have been three in the morning.I did it because I cared and I didn't want him to suffer, and I wonder if I matter to him at all.He is living with another woman like nothing has happened and I am broken.It is a very small town and I don't want to see him I can't see him,I am thinking of relocating to another area.
Grieving is a process Mary. It is important to feel your feeligns and sharing them here helps.
Keep on using your tools, going to shcool and praying --it all works
Hi Mary~I can remember being in a state of shock and grief as you are describing, several times. The pain is so overwhelming and it can feel like it will never end. But I can tell you it does end, and the way you feel today will not be how you feel 6 months from now. Relocating is a huge step so I hope you would not give up a job or friends or meetings you like just to get through this. Ask HP to give you some direction and try and see the big picture so you don't make a decision that hurts you in other ways. Keep coming back, Lyne
Betty is right it is your grieving for all your hurts.
Be gentle and kind to yourself it is all a process
And it takes time.You are doing your recovery
Work also.
I understand your feelings of rage and anger.
I still suffer from them from all the wrongs i
Allowed when i was trying to be a good caring
Supportive Wife.
I feel drained after a crying spell like i can't move
One foot. I do, i keep on a going forward to help
Myself with the help of My HP holding my hand
Giving me courage and strength. Keep reaching
Out for support, that is the key to getting better.
Keep helping each other! Actually i help people
When i talk about my own journey and what i am
Doing to help myself. It opens up others to think
Outside of themselves. I am amazed and i dont
Mean on this site. Honesty and openness are
Great assets. We were told to squash them in
Dysfunctional homes. Live the lie and be quiet.
That is pathetic if he is living with someone else that fast. "As if nothing has happened" is maddening but, depending on how you look at it, it could be comforting. Look how badly he needs an enabler in his life immediately. How friggin smart and awesome are you to not be in that role anymore?! Also, the relationship and the love and it's beauty isn't defined by what he felt. From your own description, it brought out beauty and caring in you. I am touched by the example you gave of how loving you were. When and if you fall in love again, you will just be better at heeding red flags and finding someone more capable of reciprocating on that level. When someone treats us like crap, it's traumatizing. But please try to affirm yourself. You are the winner. You have a program and you are dealing with life. He's not.
Yes i agree your the winner. The empty hole hes trying to fill is still empty, its only through working on our own insides that the hole gets smaller. It could be that your physical reaction is telling you that your still grieving and im not good at it but its better to feel the feelings, validate your feelings and then they pass. You wont feel this way forever and I know that intense anger, i had it too, I remember bumping into my ex while he was on his bike, honestly I nearly pushed him off it, I let out my anger on him for a short time, but it did pass and hes kind of neutral to me now. He has no power over me and my emotions anymore, well very little. It seems to be a process. This too shall pass.
My ah knows instintively to keep his distance from me.
It is not too safe for him to get too close. Cheating or
Womanizing brings out the primal rage in me. It is not
Acceptable in any way shape or form. He is still a married
Man not single and free.
I know i will be better off in the long run. It just takes
Time to get there. Keep on taking care of Mary and
Keep going forward. Work on you as you get stronger
And more centered your HP will lead the way for you!
Thank you to everyone it makes sense that I would be feeling this way,I am a loving caring person and it hurts to know that he is just living with a woman to use her the way he did me!I will grow and learn from this!
Mferg I live in a small town too. My Ah live with other woman now too. We are still married. It is very difficult for me. I'm afraid of seeing her in all the local places like gas station, grocery store, school. I even had her daughter in my class room when school started in September. I did not know at that time that she was the girl friend. I was appalled when I found out. I thought how could she let her daughter be in my classroom??? I refused to teach her. I had to get administration involved.
I hope this will pass. I'm listening to all you posts. Everyone says such affirmative comments. I am sick with anger, frustration, and hurt. I know how you feel. Hang in there.
