The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think of this particular alanon forum as like the front line of this disease like an emergency room of a hospital. People come here panicked, in real fear and usually in a crisis. There are those of us who stay here and try to help in the best way we can, bearing in mind we are all affected and are all in recovery ourselves so we are never going to be perfect..
Due to the nature of this particular room we must sometimes make decisions that keep this place safe for the new person, like a kind of nuetral calm environment. So we repeat the same esh over and over to a large turnover of newcomers. I think to be here we accept this. Its the nature of this particular room. There are other forums in mip who are different, the number of newcomers is much much smaller, the crisis level or urgency is much smaller so they get to explore different topics and different parts of recovery, they get to roll around in their recovery a bit more and its at another level really. I think there is value in each part of mip. We are all different though with different needs and priorities. Im a grateful member of alanon.
I am in crisis! I need the support of people who are going thru the same things or
Maybe in different ways Or have walked in my shoes. Most of us that end up in
Alanon have hit rock bottom. One way or another, i know i did. I cried and listened,
Learned and absorbed the alanon wisdom for two years. I went to two therapist
They both said the same thing leave him. I did not i kept going to Alanon though.
Alanon is definetely the peeling of the onion. It takes time and patience to peel
Off your layers and grow and change with the help of your HP. Their is no quick
Fix or magic pill to stop the pain. We need self love, self care and self acceptance.
Learn to love ourselves as much as Our HP loves us! How all these simple things
can Be forgotten living with the disease of alcoholism or dysfunction. HP first,
Then us and others afterward. All pretty simple!
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I would also like to point out that in this MIP emergency department it is the Al-Anon message that we attempt to convey. That the principles, tools and message of Al-Anon is what it is important and not the messenger as we are all equal .
Most importantly. the more we share the more we grow in understanding and wisdom . It is a win win for everyone
I believe when im told, to keep it youve got to give it away. Its in giving we receive. I do agree its win win for everyone, we get to practice our tools and to pass on the gift of alanon. There are definite benefits.x
I belong to another MIP forum as well. I use this one as the outrigger to my canoe... I pledged myself to be a lifetime member of Alanon and to live out my days at an oldtimer... which I enjoy...
...its really good to have a catch-up sometimes- take out the curlers; pour a few cups of tea, or coffee; put our feet up on the coffee table and kick back!
Very little at all shocks or surprises me in Alanon these days... it is a sick sad desperate illness... it shore is...
...but is is also gr8 to take care of ourselves, and each other...
Your right david, i see here as taking care of me too. Using my tools to help others makes my tools stronger, it also shows me im still an apprentice and i dont always use the right tools or use them properly. Its good you have the other forum, its a different program altogether, its got a very different atmosphere. I read over there now and again, i wouldnt comment mind you, not sure where i would fit in but i do recognise wisdom when i read it.
I didnt grow up with alcoholism directly although it was in my family. Im the mother in the family dynamics. Im the wife and mother. Ex wife of an alcoholic, the crazy mother trying to bring up children in chaos and now im the mother of children who have issues through being brought up in an alcoholic home. Ive often heard that it is the sober one who the adult children resent the most. I can understand that.sober crazy might just be a bit more intense than drunk crazy. I forgive myself, im making amends daily. If my kids forgive me is none of my business. It might take them years or maybe never at all, its part of their journey, they have got to work that out for themselves, if there was acoa where i live i would encourage my kids to go. I think were all in this together, weve all been affected, were all victims of it to a certain extent, the partners, the children, the drinkers themselves. Well, i dont call myself a victim anymore if i can help it. Were all survivors of alcoholism. Sounds much better.x
Sometimes, dealing with my son seems like I'm watching one emergency after another - while I struggle to stay detached with love and do what I've learned I need to do - but it is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.
When I have been at my wits end, when all but a shred of my hope and faith was gone, when I questioned whether my HP was there, you guys were there for me, with words of ESH that helped me find the path back to sanity - "thanks" isn't even close to enough.
Geez, talk about just not getting it and banging your head into the same brick wall ! My adult son had previously told me that he has been working 7 days a week as a bartender, making good money, (yet he's still homeless - yeah, I wonder how he's working seven days a week and homeless), and now his latest text tells me that he has just lost his bartendering job - I gotta wonder what it takes for these guys to see the light, to come to the realization that maybe, just maybe, they need to try a better way!!! He is a very strong willed person - that was one of the biggest issues his counselor mentioned during rehab.
His text sarcastically mentioned getting to the homeless shelter quickly, probably because I had suggested several months ago, during a prior period of homelessness, that the homeless shelters fill up quickly - I *think* I did the right thing when I responded to his text just now - I called my sponsor, and I responded only that "I am sorry that you are in such a tough situation - I love you very much". I have stopped sending any kind of positive motivation - his response to an earlier text where I reminded him that he was a smart guy and that he could figure things out was "I don't need any of the motivational sh*t" - so I stopped with the positive thoughts.
Texas Yankee, I was always astounded at the power of this disease and have experienced many of the same feelings as you have just expressed.
Cunning, baffling and powerful is alcoholism. That is why we need Al-Anon, our sponsors and the" MIP ER. "
I will hold you and your son and my thoughts and prayers
i feel your pain from hitting your head against the brick wall...you did well with your response.
i came here tonight feeling a lot of fear about the future, ang got back into the swing of things by reading posts and realizing I have to stay in this moment, do what my HP wants for me. i am thankful for the wisdom in these rooms.
This is the emergency room...what an appropriate metaphor. Some of us get here like myself from the inter-reactions of others like I originally did. No I originally left the emergency room because I didn't know that or what was ailing me and I rejected the care and concern of those who did. My first visit to Al-Anon and AA came as the result of conversation and care between my alcoholic/addict and her AA sponsor. I resisted as our qualifiers often do also and got sicker until I understood the need for the emergency room myself and was let to it by a power greater than my AA wife and her sponsor. Blessings...I stayed and got treatment on a daily basis and still am. I've come to the awareness that each and every time this works...I work my way back into it. Gratitude always. ((((hugs))))
