The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is about unacceptable behaviour and how alanon helps us work out what it is and then to set boundaries and limits. It talks about how we can stop accepting unacceptable behaviour from the alcoholics in our lives but often we still accept it from ourselves. Our own attitude towards ourselves can mean we still blame ourselves or berate ourselves when things go wrong. We call ourselves names and dont give ourselves credit for our efforts.
We need to treat ourselves like a valued friend, with love an approval or we are standing i the way of our own recovery.
This is one of the hardest things to learn for me. I still accept unacceptable behavior from my SO but I can also think he is having the same problems with me so I pray that things will change either on my part or his.
Yes I'm standing in the way with a lot of things I would like to change but haven't made that commitment yet. To be honest right now I never will, but I keep hoping something will break so happiness can shine through.
((( Hugs )))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Dear LC thank you for posting the reading for today as well as your thoughts on the subject. This is definitely a powerful page that I embraced early on in program and continue to use to this day. I never realized how badly I treated myself, until I took my focus off others and placed the focus on myself. . It is then that I heard the negative voices screaming at me from with in. I was saying such terrible things to myself, which were much worse than anyone else ever said.
It was after reading this page that I determined that I had enough.. I was going to treat myself with kindness and compassion. With much effort and determination. I kept the focus on myself and any time I was tempted to beat myself up or berate myself, I would say the serenity prayer, or a slogan such as:" let it begin with me", or keep it simple" over and over in my mind and it worked. The negative voices stopped!!! I found the serenity within such a liberating experience that I had never felt before, and I was grateful to have worked the program with such dedication . My friend in program calls these voices her ANTS and that describes them perfectly. It stands for Automatic Negative Talk. Today I have automatic positive thoughts so that when when I walk along I reinforce my program placed continually reciting the serenity prayer or slogans over and over in my mind.
I love the quote from the Upanishads:"Let one therefore, keep the mind pure, for what a man thinks, that he becomes."
Was this written for me! I learned early on to accept the unacceptable
And not stand up for myself with emotional bullies. They wear you down
Over time. They generally are very controlling and dysfunctional people
That want their own way no matter who they hurt. Not everyone is like
That in Normal life. There are healthy people out there with healthy
Loving Boundaries.
The more recovery work i do , my red flags go up when i spot one and
Stay away from them. They are not healthy people for me in my journey.
I still need to tangle with two of them my ah and my mother but i am
Much stronger now and try to limit my exposure to them. Hurt people
Hurt people. I Leave them to their own misery and their journey.
I can only take care of me and heal on the inside out. I can not absorb
Others emotional or mental problems. Those are theirs to bare not mine.
God loves me as i am he does not want me to be hurt by unacceptable
Behaviors of others.
Self care, self love and self acceptance are the growing tools needed
To stop accepting the unacceptable. Accepting crumbs because thats
All thats being given is not acceptable!
Today's reading is really speaking to me and my situation. I think I am still in the early stages of figuring out what is and is not acceptable behavior. I think recognizing that there is a distinction, and that I have a right to decide what is and is not acceptable to me, is an important first step.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
