The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I caught myself thinking back to her dad in the OB room with his big coffee mug full of beer and being afraid of him holding her. And so many other memories of being afraid of leaving him with her while I had to go to work in the evening after he got home during her toddler years. Most of her life and my memories of her childhood feel stained. I left my exAH while my 6 year old was almost 2 and my memories with her have been so much better, I know I can't change the past and don't waste any time trying and I generally look back but don't stare because of how I feel right now. I get the if only's..... had I left sooner or this or that. But it is what it is and I am doing the best that I can now. I have been frustrated lately with most everyone and am having a hard time letting go of these things, they are sitting in me like a rock. I need to hand it over and do the best I can in this moment.
I had my first exam for this semester and it was the worst grade I have gotten on a test yet, I can still pass with some major effort and I will put it in! Life is hard and I am worth the effort I know! Thanks for listening.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Yes, i understand that feeling. I think back to having my first child, how naive i was, lots of dreams and hopes and wanting it like the disney films, all fairies and bunnies or little house on the prairie. Instead it was like nightmare on elm street mixed in with groundhog day. Its no joke. Just about every milestone he is in the memory with cider or beer. It was like his crutch everywhere we went. I was ashamed a lot of the time, but i thought my love was strong enough to make up for the deadbeat dad id got for my children. We did the best with what we knew at the time. I like the bit about now we know better, we do better. I think im a pretty super mother right now in this day at this moment. I cant change the past, wouldnt that be brilliant? I can change me now. I can make amends by being the best i can be right now. Your dojng so good, setting that brilliant example to your girls everyday. Big hug to you.x
I work with kids whose parents who abuse them...parents that don't just drink and do drugs but sell them....kids with both parents in jail. Please don't beat yourself up. You are a loving, dedicated mother, learning as she goes. That is the best any kid could hope for.
My first marriage to the addict ended and the courts gave custody to her because "men are not considered caring, custodial parents"...the judge wouldn't let my children testify so the horror show started. Won't go into it and wouldn't want anyone else to go into it either including my now adult children. Its still hard to believe and then when the time came I just brought my recovering (Al-Anon/AA) self up next to their lives and let them experience the father that was kept from them. It is what it is including the parts that were missing back then. God's got it. (((((hugs)))))
Yes. i remember being pregnant and alone because my exH would be in the bar all the time drinking...all I wanted was to enjoy the pregnancy time as a family. I could never leave him totally in charge of the baby all by himself. I wasn't exactly concerned about the drinking but he was always too tired/hangover. I never trusted him with the baby 100%. I will never forget the day he came super drunk and picked the 8 months old from the bed, lost balance, fell on the bed holding her up in the air, threw his arms back and she smacked her face on the wall. As I am there crying and calming a crying baby, telling him he will never pick her up after drinking again, he just tore me apart saying how much of a bad mother I was, how he worked hard to pay the rent and how he would get custody from the courts (?). She is going to be eight very soon but she acts too immature sometimes, specially times like now, school holidays. I need to keep remembering how she was forced to grow up quickly living with a drunk father, witnessing arguments, seeing the police coming round, going through our separation. I think she acts immature to have some childhood back. I am just very glad I finally reached my bottom and ended the relationship. I hope she makes better choices for herself when is her time.
-- Edited by Luiza on Wednesday 18th of February 2015 06:49:55 PM
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.
I so remember those days. Took him back after seven years just to have him take off to the bar and leave our boys at home alone with no dinner until the bar closed while I was at the hospital with our daughter who had swine flu and pneumonia. When he got home I picked him up left him our daughter's room with no car and went home to the boys. I wouldn't take him home from the hospital until our daughter came home. We split up again a couple of months later. A year later he died in our daughter's arms from a massive heart attack due to meth use. I just know that I always did right by the kids who are 17 and twins age 18 years now. Good for you for being a good mom!!
Wow, love what Jerry shared. I had no idea. You are a great mom, BF, and your kids know it. We do the best we can with the tools we have available to us at the time. Happy Birthday to your daughter!!!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
