The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I had my lovely day yesterday with family. It was so cold outside here in NY, we were walking fast to the restaurant. But not my A. A is so overweight and body is hurting so she was way back. First my brother walked with her and then I took a turn. I mean, it was below zero with the windchill. Fast forward to this morning, I was thinking is there a way I can ask her what is going to happen if she does not take care of herself, and then, LIGHT BULB TIME! Alanon tool box kicked in: how many times over the last 20+ years did I try to influence her decisions, control, beg, etc. ???? Hundreds of times, and you know what help I did? NONE. So I am saying/doing nothing. I am powerless over her self-care, and I know it, and I am turning my thoughts and energy to work and other things this morning. Yes, progress I think, Lyne
Another possibility would be to ask that, but not have any expectations. I know I can't always keep my expectations down, so I don't ask about a few things myself, but if I can keep my expectations in check, it doesn't hurt to ask/mention things.
Powerless over people places and things, em not sure about the last one. Im powerless over everyone except me. I learned that as sson as i showed my concern or worry to the alcoholics in my life they took this as well i dont need to worry about it as someone else is or well i clearly cant look after myself whats the point or they will pick me up when i fall as usual. I think all we can be is a good example. Living life as fully as possible, showing them how to face life without the fear and negativity. I dont say much anymore but when i do i usually can trace it back to fear, which is mine to deal with.x
That's a progress walk Lyne...Earlier on in recovery I was told that the best person to help an alcoholic is another alcoholic while at the same time my wife had to want it and want to listen also. Amazing I thought that all of the things that had to take place for that light bulb to turn on and so I turned it and her over to God and God's time. Progress not perfection. Keep on keeping on for Lyne. (((((hugs)))))
Yes progress. It is difficult to see people we care about, hurting, especially if they are able to help themselves or get help for themselves. One of the hardest things for me to accept (I am definitely still working on this) is that there is nothing I can do or not do that will influence the behavior of others.
