OMG dry drunk treatment awareness with child! - Al-Anon Family Group

Helpangel · Senior Member

OMG dry drunk treatment awareness with child!

Truth · ~*Service Worker*~

This is my philosophy and mine only. A child deserves to grow up in a home that is a safe place for them. Physically, emotionally and mentally. If my son was scared, either something would have to change tomorrow or I would be gone. I think you already know what you want to do. In love and support

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

This sounds also like a job for a meeting and a sponsor. I use to work with kids from alcoholic and addict families and situations and the push me, pull me wars were horrible. They got support and didn't get support and we use to talk about the affected parents being just as affected and without solutions and they were. I had a step-father who I didn't want in my life for many reasons some I blamed my mother for and others I laid on him. He was alcoholic and my mother the daughter of an alcoholic. The real sanity reality and work never came up for me until I reached the program at 37 and then it has always been like rocket science. Take your time...use the meetings and sponsor and literature and most of all your Higher Power. (((((hugs))))) smile

Jen61 · ~*Service Worker*~

I grew up with alcoholism also as a child. Even at age 63 I can remember the feelings I had then. Take care of you and your daughter FIRST.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I also think of the slogan first thing first and this is the children i think. Keep attending meetings, it wont be long until the confusion and fear pass and you will get some clarity on your situation. Were here for you too.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

80 days is not long in recovery. Yeah, it's better than being an active drunk but still... I am backing up what Elcee said about upping the meeting attendance and talking this over with an alanon sponsor. I do know that many folks in recovery need to work diligently in AA or NA for years to begin to have some emotional sobriety. For me, I would say that for the first year, I basically only learned how to get through life without HAVING to drink. I didn't learn how to manage my emotions much at all until the second year. And this is coming from a person who did not relapse...Most folks do not even make it to long term sobriety.

So....there are many things to consider. Yes, he is trying and that is great. But your daughter is also "trying"...trying to grow up in a healthy environment that won't traumatize her. That being said, neither of my parents were alcoholics but if you asked me as a child if I was scared of daddy right after I got yelled at, I would also cry and say I was scared of daddy all the time and he was a giant "meanie" who I hated. That is just a normal upset kid response in many cases. YOU have to decipher the difference and make a spiritually based decision that makes sense for you and alanon is how you get that clarity as Elcee stated above.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I wanted to elaborate what Pink said about emotional sobriety and to let you know and it's not an excuse or a pass on things that when an A stops drinking part of the draw of drinking is numbing out the pain .. well it happened to me on the Alanon side when I started having to deal with me all of a sudden I had all of these intense emotions that I had been suppressing they all came out like wild fire and some of it was pretty dang ugly. I was the sober party so I can only imagine what it's like to have that kind of emotional repression and then stop drinking which takes the edge off of it all in terms of inhibitions and feel goods

The whole issue of emotional sobriety is a big one in AA too.

I'm probably overly protective of the kids because of what I went through as a kid myself dealing with an A starting about the age of 15. There is no choice and I can tell you there was no voice either for me. My mom was very clearly horribly codependent for as codependent as I can be .. my mom is laps around the track on me on that issue.

What I would share with you is and I don't want to maximize or minimize the issue of being a child dealing with an addict step parent is my relationship with my mother has never been the same and it was definitely fractured for many years. Probably to an extent still is .. I have huge trust issues. I told my mom that I was being abused by my A S dad and she picked him. I was told to move out when I was 17. I was so not ready on any level either.

Working the steps, working with a sponsor, going to a lot more meetings will help you make the choices that are right for you and your daughter. For me .. my kids well being comes first .. no choice no voice .. they didn't ask for their dad .. I picked him so I accept that part of the responsibility .. it's up to me to face the fact that I need to put their safety and well being above my desire for a relationship. Now .. working it out I'm all about that if it's possible .. however my experience has taught me for the kids and I we are in a better place now than we were with their dad.

There is a difference between being scared of an authority figure and being terrorized by a parental figure .. honestly that sounds like terrorism to me. Telling a child they are stupid, screaming non sense over a situation that seriously .. in the big scheme of tings is not a big deal. Those actions scar on a very deep level and people spend their adulthood recovering from their childhood. It pretty much sucks. I have issues with authority to this day much because of my relationship with my s.dad.

Hugs, S :)

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