The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Don't know if this a relapse of what was ailing us a couple weeks ago or something else. I didn't get any support at the VA and ended up in the trauma center. Headaches and dizziness and nausea and wild thinking and neck pains and more so I listened to my wife (lol) and she drove me to the TC. Funny how one of the feelings I had was that I was being taken by my Mommy...Damned ego still having problems just being helped and being grateful. UGH!! Got the pills and the instructions and the most miserable wild-ride attempt at sleep last evening I ever had. Similar to being in an over haunted house and all in my head. I tried "spirituality" switching...going from the insane subconscious rants to reality focus on a spiritual truth and reality and am not surprised that the insanity center is still up and fully staffed and then at the times when I could achieve the spiritual focus the benefits were very good. I knew I was going to have to do meditation which for me often means focus on help and information that comes from outside of myself which additionally means our literature; daily and other so I went after "Discovering Choices" and arrived at some very supportive language soon on pages 16 and 17. Then the daily pages including the page El-Cee commented on continued to center me away from the insanity of being sick and powerless over it and then "From Survivorship to Recovery" which I am going to go back to just to keep the meditative focus as other stuff (headaches, dogs, TV and etc) try to interfere over and over (life on life's terms?). I missed my home group yesterday and at the moment...its okay cause too many voices at times can become the problem right? I had a thousand idiots in my head last evening...they all seem to be at breakfast right now or have forgotten the way back home.
Mahalo for the support. Love you all. (((((hugs)))))
I think my insanity center will always be there waiting for my return, leaving a light on for me, taking bets on the day and time of my return.
Get well Jerry, if bed is where your HP puts you, stay put!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Sorry to hear you've been going through so much Jerry and glad you felt well enough to check in. Hope you're feeling a hundred percent soon. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
.. have a million idiots in my head tonight as well .. my voice isn't much better .. in my feelings (,the voices always lead to a spiral of downward feelings when I stop to listen to them; emotional drunk) .. trying anyway to cling to the song lyrics I was listening to just before coming in here .. out of all the voices calling out to me; I will listen and believe the voice of Truth .. the voices get very Loud .. sounds Simple but not easy for me. glad to just be in here reading . it's good reading from you again, Jerry ...
Jerry, that sounds awful, i could recognise a lot of what you described. My son gets delirious if he has a temperature. Its scary to watch never mind have it happen to you. Im not sure if the same thing went on with you. Im glad those 1000 idiots in your head have given you some peace to allow you to come here and share. I have missed you here. Keep getting better, your needed here.
