The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I got the message from HP today loud and clear that he has an abundant life planned for me and to totally let go of all communication with ex-A even if we have a child. He told me let go of this toxic relationship ... No boundaries, no communication, no contact. No fear, no guilt, no obligation.... The only thing I am a little nervous of is the court order....????
I am asking my HP and I will wait for an answer. I know this emotional abuse has to stop. It is not healthy for me or anyone else. I deserve to live abuse free and I have made the choice to do that. It is not healthy to have your boundaries ignored, ridiculed, get called bitter, resentful or jealous for using the word no. The ex-A is now claiming I am mentally ill and he is concerned (all emotional abuse) because he does not like the word no. I feel sad today ...
And that is okay... not pity sad ... Just plain old sad ... These are not co-dependent emotions. It is real sadness that I actually communicate with someone who treats others this way. I am disappointed in myself for lowering my own expectations.
So it is time to re-frame the story. I will not lower my standards to be perceived as reasonable or kind. God will bring me reasonable and kind people. I have a choice not to associate with this disease. He did not put me on the earth to fix this. That is his job. I can give it to him and I do trust that he will be more than happy to do that.
I think the standard alcoholic response to boundary setting is "You are crazy!" Even with a fair amount of recovery, alcoholics still have real trouble with perspective taking and empathy much of the time. Sorry you have to go through this Truth.
Yes and unfortunately when he starts the "I'm crazy" because he has been violent, my anxiety goes through the roof and my body wants to shut down. I just get exercising, eating well (which is a job in itself lol) and then the barrage of emails. My body shuts down now. I get a headache and start throwing up. Anyway, I went to the doctor today got a few days off work. He said it is still the chronic anxiety. Phoned another new counsellor (lol), and made a stop at the court house about applying for a temp restraining order.
