The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
C2C February 8 speaks about wanting to be friends with everybody and being hurt if someone rejects us. It points out that the Al-Anon closing says:" you may not like all of us put you love us in a very special way."
It is important to understand that we can't have everybody's friendship but we can offer and receive respect support and understanding from each other. It is unrealistic to expect everyone to like me because with this type of expectation I set myself up to fail.
I then give myself an excuse to blame that failure on others. I can't force others to change , but I can change my own attitudes.
That is what Al-Anon is all about I can let go of my rules about how others should deal and respond to me . When I am disappointed in another's response I can make an extra effort to be kind warm and loving to myself. I am lovable just the way I.am
And the quote from Oscar Wilde is:"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance "
I truly needed to read this page over and over. When I first came into program. I never realized how I wanted and worked for everyone's love and approval and lost my ideals in the process. Alanon gave me the idea that it was not possible to please everyone and that it was OK if others did not agree with me or like me. That was like a News flash and revolutionary to my limited thinking . . Today I never consider if some likes me I work hard at liking myself an monitoring my actions so as to not abandon my needs and ideals in the process.
PstI want to be accepted by everyone. I know that is not feasible. Like my party next Sat. I want everyone that likes me to be there. Some people are actually saying no. That hurts a little but at least I know there will be women there who care. I hope I didn't get too fat off topic. I agree w the reading though. Thanks Betty. I am still having trouble Not positing. I guess I still have something to say!
Glad to see that you are posting and have something to say Kathleen. Remembering that when others are not available for me that it does not mean that they do not like me. It just means they have another commitment. I hope you have fun at your party.
This is a powerful reading for me hotrod. I can fall back into old behaviours where im trying to fix myself into every group to be liked or to people please. This program has allowed me to be understanding of people so whenever there is conflict i can see both sides or i can feel acceptance for both sides but this hascaused me some confusion because sometimes being on one side excludes you from the other side and its that rejection i need to accept and not base my self worth on it. I suppose its about showing respect and being kind to everyone regardless of whether you agree with their point of view or not. right now i feel loyalty to me and my recovery. Its progress but ive struggled with this change in me, it feels wrong or weak when maybe its a strength.
There is conflict in work right now and there are two clear sides. I can see truths in both sides and i can empathise with both sides. Im trying to keep my serenity so i am getting along with everyone but im finding it hard because i feel like i should be taking a side and sticking too it. Its quite hard and confusingright now at work. People pleasing within me is something im going to look in to and address. Thanks for the post.x
Thank you Betty for another great daily post. It is very hard when I feel someone doesn't like me, but then that is my ego rearing it's head and immediately I take a step back and consider what maybe going on in that other person life (it maybe that they are having difficulties that I do not know about). Reminding myself that it is not possible for everyone to like me and also that there are people and circumstances that I will never be able to change, then those are the times that I place my stance in the hands of HP. Looking at myself and checking my words and actions are almost always a daily part of my life, but now I have the Al-Anon tools to help me see and reconcile what I need to do in order to be a better person, wife, mother and friend.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
El-cee: thanks for reminding why I am here. It is a we program. That is why I will continue posting. Thanks Betty for posting this post. Makes me think of my quality friendships not just the quantity.
Great shares i think that I must always accept that there will be differences of opinion as at alann meetings. I can examine my motives, say what I truly believe if asked.
Placing principels above personalities and practicing these principels in all my affairs helps me all the time
My dad used to say, those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind. I guess to me this means that those that love me will understand when I make a bleb, but those that do mind and want to make me feel worse about it, I shouldn't let that effect me so greatly. For me it took awhile to find a few great quality friends and let go of having a huge quantity of friends that weren't always the best for me. I stopped trying to people please the people who were impossible to please, they can figure out how to be happy themselves, as I strive to find my own happiness and am responsible for it on my own.
I gave up too much of myself when I was a codependent people pleaser, I didn't listen to my red flags and I didn't make boundaries for myself to feel protected and safe. I allowed toxic people to rule me, but now when I know someone is unhealthy for me and I let them know what is and is not okay with me and they still do not respect me they are gone. I am a strong person thanks to al-anon and have a few great loving healthy relationships that are true to me and I am true to them as it should be. Life is much easier living this way.
I have learned the importance of principles over personalities working towards the same goal for us all. I can QTIP (quit taking it personally) and take the next right step for me in my recovery without losing sight of the big picture. Thanks for this daily reading Hotrod, I am so glad to be walking this journey with you!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
